[This is Part 10 in the multi-part epic describing the wedding I attended at the beginning of August 2002. Previous episodes: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9]

Sunday, August 4, 2002. When I awoke in the servant's quarters of the Longview Luxury Suit, the groom had already departed. He and the bride were required to endure an early morning photo shoot before any of the rest of us were even out of bed.

I contemplated what would need to be done before the ceremony. I needed to make a toast! What could I possibly say? "Congratulations to the bride and groom, may they have a happy life." That didn't quite seem sufficient.

I contemplated writing something up on a set of notecards, since my brain has an annoying habit of freezing up when speaking to a large crowd of people. But I had neither cards nor time to write something resembling an eloquent piece of prose. So I decided to just keep thinking, and hope something popped into my brain in time for the reception in seven hours.

Another item I might not have time to do later: Signing the card. I managed to locate a pen, and scribbled down a message to the bride and groom on the pre-fab piece of cardboard purchased 3 days earlier. A famous quote by a luminary of the open source community, followed by a few sentences of my own. It worked, I thought. Maybe not something they would want to read in front of their parents, but hopefully appropriate enough. I signed the card, put it in the envelope, and sealed the flap.

After getting ready for the day, I ate a brief breakfast in the main portion of the Longview Luxury Suite, consisting mostly of English muffins and butter. I mentioned my photo theme idea to the groom's dad, who was able to provide me with phone numbers to call to seek permission to borrow hardware from the Stone Estate garage. Though Doctor Stone himself was unreachable, his wife was certain that it would be ok, and told me to go ahead and procure the necessary items.

This additional stop would mean that we would need to leave earlier in order to arrive at the church on time for the photo shoot. (The best man was required to be there at 10:00, as I recall.) We decided to take two vehicles. C3PO, the minivan, would leave early and stop by the Stone Estate, taking those who were ready for immediate departure. Everyone else would ride a little later with Yanthor.

After making sure all the tuxes were in the possession of the appropriate parties, or on the way to the appropriate destinations, the father of the groom, Captain Logan, and myself took C3PO to the Stone Estate with upmost haste.

At the Stone Estate garage, Captain Logan assisted me in picking out items for use as props. Old laptops, trackballs, disc drives, keyboards, and various other curiosities which looked like they might belong in a PC history museum. We quickly loaded them into the van, locked the garage as instructed, and sped off to the church.

At the Longview SDA church, as we unloaded the hardware, placing it in a convenient corner of the sanctuary, I spotted Jaeger and Kiesa in front of a large camera setup, already well into their marathon one-day modeling gig.

Captain Logan and I were shown into a room where we could change into our tuxedos. We noted with some dubiousness a clear window into the adjacent hallway, where anyone who might happen to wander by might could look in. Captain Logan suggested we attempt to cover it with something, but nothing obvious presented itself, aside from the option of moving heavy furniture. We decided to just live with it, and hope for the best.

Good thing we didn't get very far in undressing. Within seconds, the door opened, and a crowd of several dozen people began to file in. We were being relocated. Captain Logan noted with some amusement that if we had started a few seconds earlier, the embarrassment factor might have been significantly higher. Indecent exposure indeed.

Out of idle curiosity, I asked one of the people what the gathering was about. He wispered. "Annointing a 2-year-old who has cancer." One look around at the grief-stricken faces of some of the others (probably parents) made me shudder.

The contrast between these two events both taking place in this building on the same day -- a joyful wedding, and a sorrowful plea for a dying child -- somehow made me feel... very small.

The pastor escorted Captain Logan and me into his private office, where we changed clothes without further incident.

Yanthor and Humblik wandered by, and Yanthor assisted me in putting the final touches on the outfit. I had to admit, despite my general loathing of traditional dress-up clothes, that it was quite spiffy. The final bit, a corsage, came from photography assistant before we entered the sanctuary to join the modeling spree. Very spiffy indeed.

In the sanctuary, the photographer arranged different members of the group in various poses. I could envision very sore feet if I had to hold them in such positions without shifting my weight for long periods of time. Fortunately, I was not required to do so. Only enough to get a taste.

While one of the shots which included the bride, the groom, and myself was being prepared, Kiesa informed me that in my absence, I had been inducted into a rather esoteric organization, of whose very existence I had been ignorant prior to this point. I wasn't sure what to make of this knowledge, but I filed it away for future reference.

Between setups, and while others were being photographed, the rest of us hung out, ate snacks, and drank Pepsi. Though he was not in the official procession, Nemo showed up with a camera, and I discussed various weddings with him. Nemo described other weddings he had attended, and the expenses often required to simply decorate a church, as well as possible ways around incurring too many costs by being resourceful. Though I have not been to too many weddings in my life, I was rather impressed with the level of decoration at this one. Not too much, not too little. Quite elegant.

When it came time for the groomsmen to pose together, each of us picked out several accessories from the pile of hardware, and used them as props in the shoot. For one shot, everyone sat with laptops on their legs. Since it turned out we were one short, Doctor Stone loaned me his real live working unit (which was powered on). Excellent.

After my role in the photo ops was done, I wandered around the building, mostly contemplating what I might say for the toast. Eventually, an idea was hatched. It might be cheesy, but it would be fun. I consulted with the wedding coordinator on exactly when the toast should be given; what my cue would be. She told me not to worry. There would be people to inform me of the appropriate moment, if it turned out to be non-obvious.

(At this point, I was already becoming nervous over the prospect. Public speaking is NOT my forté. I wished for notecards to write on, because I was certain my mind would blank in front of everybody. However, in rhetrospect, I think things turned out better without the aid of that particular crutch.)

I listened as Anya, who would later use her musical skills during the ceremony, played the piano in the mostly empty fellowship hall. The music soothed my jittery nerves.

Though my "official" modeling work was over, I was recruited, along with scottgalvin.com, to participate in the creation of additional images for the benefit of @best_maids.

After @best_maids had acquired enough negatives of us arranged in various configurations, I pulled scottgalvin.com aside to discuss a personal matter. I confessed to scottgalvin.com that I had been impersonating him around the town of Longview in an attempt to make myself appear more sexually appealing. (Oh, was that ever a laugh!)

(Ok, truth time. In actual fact, I never used either the name or the business of scottgalvin.com in discussions with strangers. In fact, the thought of doing so had not even entered my mind until after such encounters were long over. But it sure was a fun idea to ponder. And I still maintain that scottgalvin.com provided inspiration for a persona I had been playing with.)

After we had had a good hard laugh, scottgalvin.com proceeded to give me his impromptu 5-minute intro on the art of flirting, as well as other generalized tips which can be applied to any conversation or relationship. We decided that scottgalvin.com should become an instructor at a soon-to-be-created school of personal interactions. Or, at the very least, he could write a HOWTO to put on his website. I felt most honored to be tutored in the presence of this legendary motivational speaker, and considered the possibility of officially running a small piece of perl code, which would run in the scope of life at large:

push @mentor, "scottgalvin.com";

(For those who are keeping track, that would make $mentor[2] == "scottgalvin.com" evaluate to true.)

As we stood outside shooting the breeze, someone came and informed us that our presence was required. It was time to begin escorting guests into the sanctuary. How the first half of the day had passed in the blink of an eye! The wedding itself was already about to begin.

The wedding coordinator gave us brief instructions on what we needed to do. Greet people. Ask them if they would like to be shown to a seat, and where they would prefer to sit. Offer your arm to any female member of the party. Walk them into the sanctuary, and to the preferred location. Easy enough.

As the crowds entered, I met some of the people who had been referenced in content I had read months earlier on Jaeger's web site. (Though that link now looks nothing like it did when I visited it long ago.)

After a few minutes, when all the people were seated, the string quartet that had been playing in the background stopped. An occassional whisper floated through the air. Anticipation built.

The ceremony was about to begin.

[Coming soon: Part 11 -- Ceremony and Reception.]