It's that tiny little thought, that blossoms into an idea, culminating into action, which makes you just go out and do something totally insane.

It's the dissolution of everyday fear, combined with realization of a greater purpose, which leads you to behave in ways you wouldn't have otherwise thought possible. When it happens, you don't even particularly mind losing something normally considered essential.

When you've got the fire, the passion in your soul, you're working for something greater. Earthly reassurances of the most basic form are neither needed nor desired. You simultaniously and spontaniously understand that you must do what is best for yourself, best for those you care about, and best for the community at large.

You strive beyond your own limitations to understand the mysteries of the universe, perhaps knowing that your efforts are futile, but pushing the boundries beyond the breaking point nonetheless.

Always, it must be done with compassion and care. Always.

I've been reading a few of the ramblings I wrote in early August. The history of my own words does not lie. I foresaw what might occur, and I went ahead with it anyway, just to feel the ride. I knew the possible outcomes. I knew the risks. I was sick of my life the way I had been living it, and decided to shake things up.

Now, I live with the aftermath.

Right now, I feel like I could use just a little more insanity again, but even if I could trigger it at will, I fear what further outcomes might result. It is this very fear that denies me the freedom to exercise my will in the ways I might otherwise envision.

It is not until the existential pain of life becomes so immense as to be unbearable, that one is freed by necessity to cast aside all inhibitions, and act on the pure wings of will alone. But such is not an undertaking meant for human beings, with all our human flaws. Inevitably, upon brushing up against the surface of the sky to approach the boundries of heaven itself, Icarus must once again be taught the cruel lessons of mortal life, and return to the drudgery of the earth, stripped of his wings, the wonders of the beyond still out of reach.

With time, the memories fade, as does the pain. Life is renewed, and hope is regained. It is an eternal cycle which propels the essence of life itself.

So now we start over.

I'm going to go get ready for work.