Once again, I realize that I have bitten off just a little more than I am able to chew. This is good, because it stretches my limits. However, it is best to know when to back off. The challenges I want to tackle, some of which have been described here, are too big for me to face alone. I feel daunted and powerless against this current. I need help.

Though websites and pamphlets can bring a certain measure of encouragement and insight, even the best of them ultimately becomes, without a corresponding real human connection, yet another brick in the wall. For all my ranting, hyperbole, and wonderful ideas, at the end of the day, I am still powerless, alone, defeated.

I know that there must exist others nearby who have these same yearnings. In all likelihood, they are even less aware of me than I am of them. We are kept in the darkness by a common fear. Or maybe it's just me that's been in the dark, while the rest of the world stands outside patiently, waiting for me to peek my head out.

In any case, the plan from here is to get myself involved in groups most likely to share my aspirations, rather than ham-handedly trying to forge this alone without a guide or a clue, other than the reams of text and images which gently yet sternly point me onward into nowhere.

Food Not Bombs seems like a good early bet. I intend to be at the Boulder bandshell this Saturday at or a little before 3:30pm. Whether I will find what I am looking for there is largely unknown. What I hope to find are other people like myself, seeking and plotting for a better way who might be able to show me a little of what they have learned. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to help them too.

If I don't find what I'm looking for there, I must not give up. Keep finding and getting involved in leftist activist circles, attend more protests, meet more outsiders, talk with more homeless people. Maybe, just maybe, in all the milieu, I'll find a few with enough in common that we'll want to share part of the journey together.

This is my hope. This is my dream. This is what keeps me going.

Now, back to the code...