As I have been so often doing recently whenever my thoughts are muddy and need clarification, I just went outside for a while again, breathed the fresh air, greeted other passers by, and reflected on my life. I also did some serious soul searching and thinking about what others had said, and came up with a slightly revised mental map of my immediate future.

Car Trip

a4rgh is right. My supposed plan for going on the road will do nothing to improve life for anybody. Burning gas not only supports the current worldwide oil regime, but it would also more quickly consume any money reserve I might manage to accumulate.

My reason for planning this never-more-than-vaguely sketched idea was (1) it just seems like it would be fun to go on a really, really long, aimless journey, and (2) there's a part of me that hoped I might run across a community somewhere in which there are more like-minded folks who share a similar vision.

After contemplating it further, I realize that number 1 can be achieved in ways which don't waste tons of extra resources, and would be far more conducive to genuine adventure. Hitchhiking, biking, train riding (either the "proper" way as a passenger, or the more dangerous way; these are just random ideas). Each would be a more direct, unpredictable, and interesting way experience the land than sealing myself up in my private tube of metal to go zoom down the freeway.

As for number 2, that's a pipe dream. A fantasy. Ran Prieur would know. He already tried it. Though the experiences he describes do include some fun and insight along the way, he found that pretty much all over America, even in the more "progressive" communities, most of the people, except for a few of the friends he stayed with, are pretty much in the same shallow rut just about everywhere. In the end, he ended up returning to his hometown of Seattle.

There's a part of me that wants to say, "But even if I know it's futile, I want to have my own journey anyway, with all its pitfalls, ups, downs, disappointments, and discoveries!" I can still do that. Even here around Denver, each day can be a journey with new discoveries if I pay attention to what's around me, and don't get lost in some delusional hope regarding what's to come.

So, for now, the big massive aimless car trip is being scratched. That doesn't mean I'm totally precluding it from ever happening, but I'm not planning for it right now.

On Getting Rid of Stuff

After giving this one more thought, I've decided to continue gradually getting rid of most of my stuff. I want to thin my belongings down to an amount that I can fit into my car. This despite the fact that the big road trip is no longer on the map.

Why? Even if I don't end up driving any farther than from Denver to Boulder on a regular basis (and use my bike for most transportation), the amount of freedom that gives me is still huge. Who knows? Maybe instead of an extended road trip, I'll just find an abandoned lot to park my car, and live there for a few days, and then drive to another lot. From where I'm sitting right now, that would still be one hell of an adventure, even if I never leave city limits,

It would also allow me to consume less resources, and thus allow me to do it longer before I have to worry about finding money again.

On Social Activism

On this, I want... No, I need to get more involved. I can't just be a lone voice hollering vainly in the wilderness forever. That leads to madness and depression, and it does nobody any good. Besides, getting more involved might lead me to more effective ideas on how to better my world.

There....

Well, that email went nowhere.

Ok, well, I guess I'll just show up this Saturday and see if anybody else is there. Thus, another little plan is hatched.

Anyway, sitting here and staring at this screen for too long tends to make me feel more and more depressed, so I think I'll stop in a second. For some reason, my tolerance level seems to have gone down significantly lately. I don't know if the cause is mental, physiological, psychosomatic, or what. I've got the gentoo cd sitting on my case, but the thought of spending that much free time sitting here for the installation has prevented me doing it like I had planned.

If this continues, my ability (and desire) to work as a programmer will be called into serious question. Oh well. More fresh air now.