What else is new? Well, for one thing, my shiny new cds which came in the mail today. :)

War

Today, I learned a little more about the wonders of being in the labor union. According to one of my coworkers who has been there a while, and as always, shall remain nameless, the leader of the local union is "Not necessarily on the up-and-up. He's a lawyer. Need I say more?"

(And no, there's practically nothing I can do about all those ridiculous fees. Everybody got them. The only advise: "Check and double check the figures, such as they are, because they will cheat you any chance they get." Fuckers.)

Supposably, one of the purposes of the union fees is to cover a strike fund, so that if and when we all go on strike, the union can pay us a little bit each week to get by. But according to unnamed coworker, they haven't been doing that as much lately. Apparently, the word is that if we strike next year, have your own money ready. Whatever.

My next obvious question. "Why might we strike next year? What's the dispute?"

Apparently, the kind and caring folks back at Kroger headquarters have been gradually scaling back employee benefits, little by little, year by year. It's been happening for a couple years now. If they do it again next year, the union may decide that enough is enough. Otherwise, before long, we'll all be no better off that Wal Mart employees.

(For those wondering: Wal Mart has a reputation for the lowest wages and worst benefits in the industry. It's also the fastest growing competitor. Go figure.)

So, what am I to make of all this? Slimey bastards who are out to screw employees run the company from afar. No surprise there. Crooked union. Maybe we need a sub-union to protect us from the stupids at the official union. The mind boggles.

And then, right while I'm standing there in the deli, moments after this little discussion has ended, a thought passes through my mind. It was almost the exact same thought I remember thinking last summer, shortly after a bunch of my coworkers got laid off at another job far away.

Why am I working for these pricks? They don't care about us, the employees. They don't care about fairness. They show no sense of common human decency. All they want is more money for themselves, regardless of how it affects anyone else. So why the fsck do I continue to come back every day, implicitly lending my support to this insanity?

Well, what are the alternatives? Find another job? It's a possibility. Maybe things would be better somewhere else. Maybe. Or at least it's worth a shot, right?

The trouble: Historically, my track record for employment searching, even under the most urgent of circumstances, is dismal. I procrastinate. I spend hours bumbling around doing nothing when I'm supposed to be looking. I hate doing it. This is what I was like 6 month ago, when I was out of work and needed to find something.

Now, with a job waiting for me every day, shitty though the situation may be, my motivation to get moving (and available time) is that much less. Blah.

Maybe it's time to just bite the bullet, grit my teeth, and spend at least 2 solid hours job hunting on each day off that I have during the next week. 'Cause when I find myself thinking, "Why do I continue to come here and put up with this nonsense?" about 20 times per shift, it's time to seriously rethink things.

My life is short. I don't want to waste any more of it than I have to. Fuck puritan ideals. Maybe if the people on the other end acted in good faith more often, that sort of thing would work. As it is, I don't know what the proper solution is.

I resign my position as the horse on this animal farm, lest I find myself being carted away forever.

Anyway... enough of that ranting. (And yes, it is because of writings like these that I consider it a Good Thing that I let nobody at work know about this web page. Otherwise... Well, we all know how the last story prematurely ended. Paradoxically, I still stand by these statements, as well many others I have made during the past few months. I am a non-stop contradictition of itself.)

Goodnight world.

P.S. Here's an old poem I wrote way back who knows when. Just a little txt/html snipet in one of dagobah's old directories. It doesn't even have a date. (Well, the file has a datestamp of course, but I know for a fact it's wrong.) I figure I can copy it in here, and that way I don't have to feel guilty for deleting this poor little file, because its words can find new life in this soon-to-be-obscure rambling. Somehow, it also seems sort of fitting for right now. Maybe some questions never really find an answer.

I want to find love. I want to find fulfillment.
If, somewhere, there is that perfect place,
where I and they are not at odds,
I want to find it.

The world spins around me through the looking glass
Can there be a glory that isn't seen from afar?
In another life, another time, was my soul in place?

Nope. Not gonna become a professional poet anytime soon. That's for sure.