While going through the drawers, getting rid of old stuff, and rummaging through papers from long ago, I came across documents issued back when I was first hired as a software engineer at an up-and-coming "Internet company". Looking at them now makes me want to cry.

My official offer letter, stock option agreements, outlines of employee benefits, a map of the office containing my first cubicle. All of it was brimming with such optimism and excitement.

The engineering department had its own section of the building, area away from all those icky pretentious marketing and sales people. We could get together and drink beer at the front of the office on Friday afternoons. But that's not to say we didn't work hard during the week, because we did. Everyone did.

The place had a purpose. We were creating something great. Something cool. Something that would be useful to people, and make us all rich too. Best of all, it was fun to work.

So what happened?

The map I have portrays a department with most of the cubes occupied by energetic young programmers. The few cubes that didn't yet have names attached to them would soon be filled. That was assumed as inevitable at the time.

So what happened?

An instinctive, simplistic answer would be to say that marketing idiots invaded the place and sucked its blood dry with cheesy half-baked schemes, wasteful advertising campaigns, and foolish gimmicks. That, however, would be oversimplifying.

I can't know all the reasons things went downhill. Here's one theory though: Things were never that great in the first place, at least in terms of the numbers. All that happy, successful stuff was an illusion. Operating expenses exceeded revenue by a far greater margin back then than they did before I was given the boot. So it could be said that all along, we were living on borrowed time, no matter what anybody did.

That explanation makes sense, but it still leaves me unsatisfied. There's more to life than numbers and earnings projections.

Everyone there was putting forth their best effort. Apparently, there were satisfied customers on the other end. People were working, getting paid, demand was up, and everyone was happy. Why should all that have to stop just because of a few silly accounting figures?

I'm not just talking about the company where I worked. I'm talking about the world in general. There is no less creativity, no less skill, no less demand for good products (though the money to buy them may be a bit short), and no less talent than there was two or three years ago. So why does it all seem like the world is on the verge of going to hell, economically speaking?

Something is wrong with this picture. I don't know why. I don't know how to fix it. I'm just in a lousy mood right now, and nothing is making much sense.

Alright, back to sorting and packing.