I hate this. Getting stuff all ready to move out of my apartment. It sucks. I've been trying to keep a positive attitude, keep a sense of adventure about it, but... As my bedroom gets closer and closer to being clear, and more and more boxes get filled, I just feel worse and worse.

I realized a moment ago why it's so hard. It feels like the future is dead. If I could look forward to something at the other end, like a good job, or another interesting place to move into, or new people, or something, then that would be good. But as it is, what do I have ahead?

In all likelihood, moving in with one parent or the other, which is like a total step backward. Working at a fast food joint, or some equivilant (if I can get that), which in itself wouldn't be too bad, except that it would provide me virtually nothing beyond mere subsistence in terms of financial opportunity, leaving me tied to the parents, and/or dead broke all the time. Suck.

There's gotta be some better way.

It almost seems like it would be a better alternative to sell or trash all my stuff, sell my car, use the money to pay the remaining loan on it, and hop a plane to some completely unfamiliar city to start a completely new life from scratch, as legend has it so many great celebrities started out doing.

But what's a more likely reality? That after some struggle, I would miraculously find success through persistence and luck, or end up dead in a ditch?

Alright, enough of this. Sorry I seem to be on such a negative streak today.

I'll pull it together, somehow. I need to get out of this.