It seems strange that December is here so quickly. Why, just a little while ago, I was watching The Matrix on VHS pan-and-scan at 4am to hail in the new year (the day all the power plants were supposed to explode, cars stop running, and the toasters cease to work), after which my brain felt so inspired that I drafted a little stack of ambitiously aspiring resolutions on the spot.

In one way, it seems like ages have passed. In another, it's just been a flash. If probability estimates serve, and no unexpected tragedies occur, I likely have about 50 to 75 more units of time of a similar length before my stay on this planet is over. Quite shocking, when you really think about it. Zap. Bye bye.

In an effort to aid my study of various world religions, earlier this week I acquired an English translation of the Tibetan Book of the Dead. Read through part of the introduction right after buying it, and it's been sitting on the shelf ever since. The concept of it looks curiously fascinating. An entire study about how to move out of this life toward another. Or the ultimate goal of transcending the cycle. I better not say any more without having actually read the text itself, or I might just end up talking out of my ass. I want to believe.

Of course, almost all of my spare time this week has been consumed by Content Collective related matters. Given all the stuff I want to do with it, I can't see that situation changing much in the near future. I'll need to resume the practice of getting more sleep on weeknights, but I want to continue to make steady, continuous progress with the code. A very demanding project, because I want it to be that way.

As I was saying on the old Content Collective shortly before the db disaster, I have not been this jazzed about a programming project since Warscape. What can I say? Maybe colorful 2d overhead views of things turn me on. The Maze, anyone? Nah, let's not go there. lol.

(Okay, fine, I will go there. Although I think there's only one known reader who will get that very last reference. Maybe two. Contrary to what you may or may not think, The Maze did live on and go through a good deal of use years later. Clue: A good percentage of the users were born after the program was first created.)

Hah! Those are some memories.

Okay. Now for the reason I started this rambling. New Year's Resolutions. This very well might be the last of the series of checkups. (I may do another at or near the end of the month. Haven't decided yet. We'll see.) As such, I want to make it a good one.

This time, rather than go through a moronic attempt at deriving a numeric progress indicator on matters which cannot be so simply quantified, I'm just going to list them all and ramble randomly for a while about each one. This will be the complete, unabridged list. This means I will also be going through the original versions of items which have been modified or canceled. The later revision(s) too.

Let's get started.

• This year, I shall find a real job. Actually, better make that this month. Or sooner.

  I slapped together a resumé. I posted it on my website. I looked around a little for possible retail outlets that would be within my means of self-transportation. I scanned the big commercial job sites. Sent my resumé to several local companies that sounded promising. Received... not much, initially. Ignores, rejections.

  A Slashdot article about the newly revamped jobs.linux.com site appeared. Just for the heck of it, I followed the link and poked around it a bit. Decided to try searching Colorado. Noticed an ad for a nearby company called eSoft. Went to the company's webpage, looked at the required qualifications, and thought, "This is stuff I know. There might be potential here!"

  I also saw a little line stating that a bachelor's degree was required. "Damn these places and their discriminatory attitudes regarding silly little pieces of paper which may or may not reflect a person's real knowledge and competence!" I figured it was a long shot, but there was no harm in trying. Quickly fired up mutt, made out a little note, attached my resume, and hit Send before hesitation could have a chance to stifle me.

  Low and behold, I not only got a real reply, but an offer to interview. This was my chance to show them what I knew. That I was knowledgeable. Capable. Qualified.

  On that day, I dressed up more than I had for quite some time. More than I have anytime since then. Truly. (Unless you consider my Halloween costume... but.... no.)

  Not really knowing what to expect, and doing my best to remember all those Internet job interview tutorials I had been reading, I answered many a question. Was invited back a few days later. Answered many more questions. Then waited.

  The offer came via email. I was utterly ecstatic. Jumping up and down. Bounding about the house. It was happening.

  Then came salary negotiations. I hated that. Didn't have a damn clue what I was doing. But a deal was reached, and I was just glad that part was over with.

  When I started, I was just glad to be there. Running Linux, learning the code, doing stuff in php (lots o' php!). (I actually did not have php on my resumé when I interviewed. I had actually done a little playing with it during the previous year, but I didn't feel like I knew it enough to be making such claims.)

  As time went on, many problems arose whose requirements could only be solved in a practical way with JavaScript. Another language not on my resumé. But I programmed with it. Wrote code in ignorance. And it showed. lol.

  [Oh yes, this is turning out to be quite rambling. Maybe we'll get on to item number 2 before next year.]

  As time went on, I also became acquainted with some of the less charming aspects. Word files. The greatest curse inflicted upon mankind during the latter half of the 20th century. Bloated. Cumbersome. Unreliable. Virus prone. Unportable as can be. Just trying to enter trivial bits of info is like wrestling with a hungry chicken cow.

  I tried as best I could to get management to see the obvious. Many coworkers were readily convinced or already saw things the way I did. A plethora of potentially better, easier, more efficient ways. LaTex. Docbook. Or even straight html.

  I quickly learned that what's technically better doesn't matter. It's about expedience. Following the lemmings. Wherever they may go.

  Ups and downs. Took the morale blow, and kept going. Coded, worked, debugged on and on, generally happy to be in a job environment where I really enjoyed most of what I was doing, and feeling generally productive.

  Continued on. Went though some very busy and hellish times during the month of September. The Atlanta trip is one I won't forget anytime soon. Looking back on it, I can now say don't regret going. It felt like walking through hell at the time, but memories were built there. Strong ones. That which does not kill me makes me stronger.

  In more recent times, things have eased back into a more steady, stable state for the most part. I have likes about it, and dislikes. That could be said of anything, couldn't it? Well, it's true. Some strong likes. Some strong dislikes.

  (Aw heck with it. Let's change those i tags to strong tags, just for the fun of looking at the html source. It breaks my usual pattern, but having ">strong<strong>/strong>" in there is worth it. For those who want something truly insane, you could view the source on that mess of entities I just made to produce the previous sentence.)

  Wowee, really going the way of the random tangent now. So... back on topic.

  In recent times, I've also had a moral struggle or two about just where my ethics lie. More than one issue, not all of which I've talked about here. Just about everything I find falling into some indefinite "grey" area. Several things I haven't talked about here. Some issue, while not what I would consider strictly unethical, just rub me the wrong way.

  I am an idealist. I know this. I want everything to not only be simply straightforward and honest, but also moving the world in a positive direction. When I see things that look to be taking an opposite path, yet cannot be clearly and convincingly classified as "harmful", I become detached. Demotivated. My mind just wants to go elsewhere, to a place where we educate and empower people, rather than feed on their sustained ignorance. But that way is not where the short term profit lies. (Or sizable salaries for me personally.) A pity.

  Um... Trying to think of a good way to wrap this first item up, so I can move on to the rest, which will necessarily be shorter to keep me from passing out of exhaustion before I finish.

  A job. I got one. I don't think the year would have happened in anything resembling the way it did, had I not made this resolution. A huge impact. As I said above, there a lot of things I like about my current job, and some things I really dislike. At this point, I believe it is worthwhile -- on the whole -- for me to continue on this course.

  Resolution Review #1 complete.

• This year, I shall buy a new desktop PC. The former being a prerequisite for this one.

  Argo, how I love thee. Indeed, it is the job which I have been babbling on endlessly about that got me the cash to acquire this shiny, happy, custom built PC.

  I waited a while longer than initially expected before actually getting it. I am certainly glad I did when I did, because I would not have been a happy camper to have gone PC-less for any period of time when poor Dagobah croaked.

  So here I am, happily typing away while another disc from my not-so-vast Madonna collection is ripped and stored away on the hard drive. While xmms merrily cranks out Beethoven paino concertos. While Gimp sits open on a desktop diagonal down and to the right of here, ready to make more decorations for the Collective. And the ever-present Mozilla below me. Zipping right along.

  Yes, I would say I'm glad I carried through with this resolution. I'm still using Dagobah's old monitor. Bah. It's good enough at 17". Helps carry on the personality between generations. Dagobah and Argo. The legacy continues.

• This year, I shall find a girlfriend. Well, maybe. Or at least meet a few prospectives.

  Oh great! And now this goddamn thing has to pop up in my face again. lol.

  Well, no press releases to be made here. ROTFL.

  Well, let's go on a slightly different tact this time. How can maga-rambling ever be complete without at least one lyric? So here we go. Take it in jest. Take it in fun. Or take it seriously. Up to each and every individual reader. An excerpt from Add it Up.

  Day after day
  I will walk and I will play
  But the day after today
  I will stop, I will start... 2-3-4!
  
  Why can't I get just one kiss
  Why can't I get just one kiss
  Believe me, somethings that I wouldn't miss
  But I look at your pants, I need a kiss
  
  Why can't I get just one screw
  Why can't I get just one screw
  Believe me, I know what to do
  But something won't let me make love to you
  
  Why can't I get just one fuck
  Why can't I get just one fuck
  I guess it's got something to do with luck
  But I waited my whole life for just one
  
  Day after day
  I get angry
  And I will say
  That the day
  Is in my sight
  When I'll take a bow and say goodnight
  

  Violent Femmes is the artist.

  So, after a good deal of... wandering around in circles, it would seem, this resolution was cancelled. It wasn't worth trying to push and force that which cannot happen through means of willful control. Attempting to do so was utlimately leading to frustration, dejection, and self-defeat.

  At the same time, I can't say I regret the resolution. It seemed like the way to go at the time. Its presence caused me to stretch myself in some regards, and wander down paths I might not otherwise have taken. (Oh great. Now that poem is coming to mind. Collective vultures will know what I'm talking about, I think.) Although I did not reach the originally intended objective, I would conjecture that other interesting, positive side effects have come about.

  Not much else to say there. Well, I suppose there could be more to say, but I'm not going to say it now. We'll move on to the revised version.

• For the remainder of this year, I will take the necessary steps to expand my social circle, meet new and interesting people, and see where life takes me.

  Hmmm. At the beginning of September, this bit replaced the previous one. Did anything really come of it? Did I actually take any actions which were directly based on this?

  The acting class. I can't say it was a result of this, because it wasn't. I signed up quite a while before this was instated. Once this one had been made, and the acting class underway, I sort of threw clobbed them together. The class as a possible avenue of reaching that goal.

  Well, the class was great. Lots of cool people there, none of whom I have seen since. So it was a temporary, transitory thing. [Bitscape runs to imdb to check if it has a quote. Nope. Damn, that movie so good, I should probably just buy a copy.] I'll try to paraphrase.

  Oh wait. I found it! Lucky me. On another page about the movie that was linked to. Very lucky.

  Tuccio: "Our lives wind themselves out. When they wind together, that is something fine and rare. When they unravel, I leave it to others to diagnose the cause."

  Yeah, that's from Illuminata. Here's my profound quote for tonight: When Indie films are good, they just rock.

  So um.. It would seem that for now, my sustained social circle, such as it is, hasn't done a whole lot of expanding. Maybe I can take another class next semester. I dunno.

• This year, I shall find more avenues other than the Internet to channel my self expression.

  Acting class. This was actually the resolution that prompted me to sign up for it. A worthwhile pursuit for sure. Have I pursued further, now that it's over? Well, no. Not that the interest isn't there. Time is always short. And lately, I've been spending a lot of time on that Internet self *ahem*Collective*ahem* expression thing.

  Bleep. Hmmmm.

  It would seem that as I get more tired, these sub-ramblings get more and more like the old ho hum monthly checklists. They were getting so old that by November, I decided to just skip the tired ritual entirely. Next.

• This year, I shall obtain lodging of my own. The biggest one by far, but a worthy goal. This place is great, but I need to strike out on my own, make a life, gain independence. Ya know?

  Hmmm.. Yes, I cancelled this one. It really deserves more treatment than I have the brainpower to do right now. Fighting to keep the eyes open. I think I'll save the extended commentary on this one for a later date. I'm just too damn sleepy right now.

• Be true, honest to myself.

  Right now, if I am honest with myself, I will immediately know that I am way to tired to come up with any more intelligent thoughts about this or any other subject. Therefore...

  Cut out of this list crap.

I'm going to bed. Thank you. A real rambling was promised. A real rambling has now been made. Night.