Yes, it's the day of the month where I step through each of my New Year's resolutions, one by one. Lately, it seems to have gotten a little dull. The last few times, each one has gone something like, "Pretty much unchanged since last month, but I'm working on it. Really!" Bah.

When one gets comfortable, when there is no pressing ugrency, it becomes easy to just coast. Rather than living life, you just let it happen to you. I fear I am falling into that rut, if I haven't already. I did get something of a jolt last night, which.... I'm still sorting things out.

I have come to believe in a truth someone once told me long ago: Without pain, there is no growth.

Or perhaps the converse is true: Without growth, there is no pain?

Well, anyway, philosophical babblings aside, I'll commence with this month's ritual, redundant as it may be:

• This year, I shall find a real job.

  Yeah, we know. That's done. It was done largely because my ass was going to be in serious shit if I didn't get moving, and I knew it. 100%

• This year, I shall buy a new desktop PC. The former being a prerequisite for this one.

  Interestingly enough, I did get moving on this one during the month of June. No, the order hasn't gone through yet, but I know what I want, I know approximately what it's going to cost, I know where I'm going to get it from, and I know it's going to be soon. Interestingly enough, I really seriously didn't start thinking about it until I had what I thought was a near hard drive failure on Dagobah. This further supports the theory that pain, or the threat of pain, seems to be the most powerful motivator. 20%

• This year, I shall find a girlfriend. Well, maybe. Or at least meet a few prospectives.

  Pffft. Can't say there hasn't been some deep-seated pain with regard to this one. Recently. Very recently. It has acted as a motivator, whether I let myself know it at the time or not. I still have lots to learn though. I'm giving myself a few points, not because I've made any objective progress, but because I'm on my way there. Just because the car hasn't started moving doesn't mean the engine is not revving. 10%

• This year, I shall find more avenues other than the Internet to channel my self expression.

  Ya know, I make a joke out of this one, being a geek and all, but when I said this, I was really serious. It's not like the will isn't there either. The thing is... where the hell do you start? Perhaps I need to narrow it down to something more specific.

  How 'bout this: A monthly sub-resolution. Each month, I make a specific goal which falls under this category. I challenge myself to complete said goal by the end of the month. This begins now. So.... What for this month?

  This month, I shall find and enroll myself into a class, course, or other form of community group activity which is non-computer-related.

  I'll make weekly progress checks on this one. Conveniently, since today is Saturday, those will occur on the same day each week during July. We'll see how it goes.

• This year, I shall obtain lodging of my own. The biggest one by far, but a worthy goal. This place is great, but I need to strike out on my own, make a life, gain independence. Ya know?

  This one rings true. Silly me, I have gone and gotten myself a DSL line, which certainly adds a disincentive to getting out of here soon. Tyler Durden: The things you own end up owning you. I don't want that to be the case here. This is a challenge that I need to meet, one step at a time. 1%

• Be true, honest to myself.

  As I have been so fond of pointing out, this one is inherently difficult for me to measure on my own. Last night, I was hit smack in the face with a deception I have been attempting -- with varying degrees of success -- to perpetrate upon myself ever since March. This realization was caused mostly because someone else saw right through the lie, and was willing to give me the brutal truth, even if it meant putting me through some discomfort.

  A quote I learned from a class taught by one of my favorite professors while at ucollege.edu:

  An enemy who tells us the truth contributes infinitely more than a friend who deludes us.
  -- Louis Fortin

  And so, a piece of the puzzle: To better guage my own honesty with myself, it would be wise to seek the counsel of those who will speak the truth as they see it. People I can trust not to reenforce my own deceptions. Of course, finding such people isn't all that easy. So I better make damn sure I don't push away the ones who are honest.

  At the same time, I want to return the favor. Be honest with others, even if what I say might not sit well. Hence, the risk of alienation. What a narrow precipice we sometimes walk. It can be a blast, but it can also hurt. That's just life. No number to quantify.

Well, there they are. The year is half over today. We do live in interesting times.