5 And it did come to pass that on the 25th day in the fifth month of the 0th year of the third pre-millennium, Bitscape did officially sell his soul to billg;
6 For on that day, he did'eth drive his car down to the temple of corruption and commerce, and amidst that journey, he did'st make a hefty purchase.
7 Not rash was his thinking -- for this premeditated act had been concieved of and pondered upon many days in advance. The lure of the serpent is great, my friends. The lure of the serpent is great.
8 And Bitscape did'eth examine many of the items there -- over two hours did he spend examining the various models, and travelling to different stores to comparison shop. At last, he chose upon his purchase.
9 And the happy bank account depletion card begat this, and the happy bank account depletion card begat that; for the mind of a geek knows no boundries.
10 And he did'eth emerge from the temple, not shouting, cursing, turning tables at the mechants, and behaving more disruptively than a Natelie Portman N&P troll during a flame war. No, my friends, no such commotion did he evoke.
11 The boy emerged with What? With goods in hand a plenty!
12 A Phillips CRT, a DVD player, and (gasp!) two titles containing content in said format. So large was one of the items that it required removal from its external packaging before it could be loaded into the horseless carraige.
13 And he did'eth return to the Louisville Compound to unload the goods and make merry.
14 At once when he returned, the place was vacant. And Bitscape reserved no haste in his effort to transport the goods from carraige to lair.
15 For now these items do sit situated, active and beckoning unto the geek to press the "Play" button.
16 But know this, children of Slashdot! Lord Stallman shall smite them down, just as he smote those whose proprietary smut offended and evoked the wrath of the Holy Gnu.
17 And let all who bow down and make offerings at the temple of Neo be warned: Ye shall get your just comeuppance.

Amen.