Yeah, well.... Not a big Phil Collins fan, but that line from the song has been in my head lots lately. I think I know why. Elaboration: negative. Already been done in private email. Still been feeling shitty about it. Anyway, that's enough on that.

Been doing a little more surfing C2 site this evening. Needless to say, upon digging into the Inscription section, I sort of felt like I had found a kindred web spirit. Inline lyrics inspired me to pull out an old cd and start playing it. ;)

Four songs in, I really started getting into the music and stopped reading, and shortly after that, well... I started typing this. :)

Now skipping back a few tracks to hear it again...

If she says come inside
I'll come inside for her
If she says give it all
I'll give everything to her
I am JUSTIFIED
I am PURIFIED
I am SANCTIFIED
Inside you

...
I'm just caught up in another of her spells
while she's turning me into someone else
Every day I hope and pray that this will end
but when I can, I do it all again

That song just hit the spot. And now track 8.

Well, at this point there's lots of random tangents I could attempt to convey some point about. [Debates with self... To sit here and type, be a ramblings bum, listen to music, maybe get another chance to insert another foot or two in mouth, surf a little in between ... or go watch voyager.] Heresy perhaps, but I think I feel more like staying right in this chair than going and trying to fight with or put up with UPN's atrocious reception of late. I'm not even sure whether the episode is new or a rerun. If I was going to guess, I'd say rerun, since everything else so far this week has been.

Stay here it is then. Ok, now that that decision has been made, I sit here with a blank brain. Nothing to type.

Well, actually, I have my doubts as to when any of this is going to be viewable by anyone, thanks to the wierdo DNS problems Rage has been having lately. Too bad. Oh well.

My first instinct would be to blame Internic, but better to wait and see what Jaeger says about it, since bouncing doesn't have any more clue about what's going on than I do.

So... content. Do I really have anything to say? lol. Well, there's a reason this isn't called "Bitscape's Manifesto Archive". The reason being that 99% of the time, I really have no point. No thesis. Virtually nothing with any argumentative or persuasive sway. And when I do think I have a point, I almost always end up making an idiot of myself.

So, if this isn't an online journal (as established on previous occassions), nor a manifesto zone, nor anything with any true cohesion or attention to hipness, exactly what is it? It's Random Ramblings! :)

If what I say sucks on any given day, just wait a week. I'll probably contradicted myself and then reneged on everything within a week anyway. :)

Ok, Netscape is exhibiting a really really wierd bug I've never seen before. I'm restarting, an we'll try this again.

---

Ok, that was just plain wierd. I take it back, I have seen that bug before. Just not while I was in a CGI form. I could scroll, select text, backspace, middle click paste, but no matter what I did, the DAMN thing would not accept my keystrokes. Nor would it do a submit. A little investigation proved it was in that wierd state it gets in when it won't follow any links. I finally just copied my text into an xterm, kill -s 9'ed it, restarted, and repasted. I'll have to wander into postgres and forge the start time to reflect reality I guess. Either that, or just leave it, and let people wonder (if they're paying attention) as I debate whether or not to watch the upcoming Voyager after having started the entry at 20:25, or whenever it was.

Where was I? Oh yes, I was basically bullshitting about this stuff. How nice.

Vague thoughts, that seem like they should be profound. Or they would be, if only you could figure out exactly what they were. It's like you're close to grasping something, but maybe it's not really anything. Maybe once you discover what it is, it will either just become trivially obvious, or totally stupid. That seems to be me lately.

So I come and start typing here in hopes that I can get a hold of whatever it is. Usually, this seems to help me regroup my thoughts. Make sense of the nonsensical. Frees the brain somehow.

[Yawn]

I have a feeling tonight is going to be an early bedtime. In fact, maybe I should just lie down and sleep right now. If only it didn't feel like there's something... more that needs to be said. It's like my brain is just cutting me off. Access denied.

' Course, that could also be purposeful. Given the recent spat of regrets, the last one of which I was especially just kicking myself in the stomach over, maybe some internal limiting mechanism has kicked in. The smiles are gone.

That last sentence maybe should be in its own paragraph, but it's already entered it up there, and I ain't movin it. GOD I LOVE THIS SONG.

On a lonely walk this morning
A light mist in the air
Dark clouds laughing at me in silence
Casting shadows through my hair

In the distance I saw a woman
Dressed in black with eyes of grey
She wore her pain like shackled spirit
Eternal life was her debt to pay

The lady wore black
it's the sign of the prisoners lives
The lady work black
See the years through the tears in her eyes
The lady wore black
He mystic power calls to me
The lady work black
Her love can set me free

The wind song whispered a warning
Telling me to beware
Of the quiet shadowed woman
And of the sadness I would share

We sat together for sometime together in silence
Never speaking in words
Of all her thoughts she spoke with her eyes
And listened remembering all I heard

The lady wore black
It's the sign of the prisoners lives
The lady wore black
See the years through the tears in her eyes
The lady wore black
Her mystic power calls to me
The lady wore black
Her love can set me free

The words she spoke were of forgotten lives
and of all knowledge gained
Memories I had and didn't know why
With a smile she explained
I should have listened to the wind's cold warning
And walked the other way
I touched her soul and now I bear here sentence
But for her love I'll gladly pay

The lady wore black
It's the sign of the prisoner's lives
The lady work black
See the years through the tears in her eyes
The lady wore black
Her mystic power calls to me
The lady wore black
Her love can set me free

Damn. Good stuff. From the days when they were little more than a garage band. ("They" being Queensryche, for the non-fans who might read this.)

Alright. With the much-wished-for cohesive content, or sensible thought in the brain, eluding me at the moment. And with droplets of regret seeping out of my pores, coupled with the deepening recognition that sometimes, no matter how hard one may wish mistakes of the past to rhetroactively vanish, it just ain't gonna happen. And with my netscape swap already full....

I give up and quit.