2/16/96
So, you are a pessimist. Either that or you are an optimist and you hate the guts of the person who wrote this. Despite these character faults, you will still be given a chance to participate in the sweepstakes. You must first answer the following question:
On what day do you believe Madonna will publicly reference, by name, the name of Ben Kinder?
Note: the words "publicly reference" here are defined as follows: make mention of in a press conference, state in the presence a reporter or in an interview (the date the interview was originally taped or when the words were first uttered will be used), make mention of onstage while performing in front of a large (you define large) audience, talk about in a sequel to the movie "Truth or Dare" (In this case, the date used will be the night the movie opens in a theater near you), say into a microphone to be heard over the public airwaves (the date used will be that on which the words were first uttered or recorded. In the event this information is unavailable, the date Ben Kinder makes his public response will be used), make mention of in any written document including but not limited to the one titled "Ciccone for World Dictator" (subnote: Since it will be impossible to tell whether such a document will have been written over a period of several days, and given the letters of the name Ben Kinder could be written over the period of 10 days, writing one letter per day including spaces, the date used will be the expiration date of the first publication in which such a document is printed. In the event that the publication does not have an expiration date, the date on which the document was filed with the U.S. copyright office will be used. In the event a copyright was not filed with the U.S. copyright office, you will make up the rest), sing about in a future album, or utter in her sleep.
Aren't you glad I didn't turn out to be a lawyer? Or even worse, A LEGISLATOR. [audience groans]
If you don't think was a fair question, click here.
Otherwise, file your responses using this form and send them to this email address.
If you answer the question correctly, you will be given a chance to meet me and chat for an afternoon. Now at this point you may think that's a pretty puny prize. I guarantee you it will not seem that way within a year. When they see this web page, Hollywood producers are going to be after me like flies on a shit heap. You can help me formulate ideas for screenplays, give suggestions, and if I think it would make a good story and Hollywood agrees with me, you could even have your life made into a movie. You may even be given the opportunity to play a major or minor role in one of my movies, depending upon your preference. No siree, this is no small prize.