Bitscape

Contents

• Pondering My Future
• It's fun to read about other people's dumpster diving adventures
  

Wednesday, December 14. 1 am

Pondering my future

"Are you a student?"

"No." At least not in the typically understood sense, usually meaning that one is one is enrolled in an expensive degree program (thus, in addition to being flat-out broke, typically deep in debt as well), spending lots of time sitting in lecture halls, cramming for tests, and writing research papers. No, not a student in that way. A "student of life" using the broader meaning of the term, perhaps. But I know that's not what they mean.

"Ever plan on going back to school?"

"Well, maybe at some point." It's a lie. A vaguely non-commital statement of bullshit, designed to get them off my back without having to go through the ordeal of defending how I choose to live my life. Maybe if I had more courage, I'd say, "Fuck no, and if you think you're going to 'advise' me into following that tired path, you can just fuck off right now."

But, in accordance with the tendencies of my personality type, I avoid conflict at (almost) any cost. So I patiently stand there and nod while they drone on about the merits and advantages of the program at such-and-such university, or talk about how such-and-such field is in high demand, and how much money I would be able to make in the long run if I went into it. And they're probably right. But I don't care.

Well, what do I want to do with the rest of my life? It's a question I do spend time pondering. Despite my philosophical inclination to simply "live in the moment" -- whatever that may be -- my mind cannot help but wander ahead to imagining futures; hypothetical, likely, and unlikely; desirable, undesirable, questionable.

I've brainstormed lists, contemplated, imagined "what if" scenarios, and done a lot of thinking. Joining an ecovillage is a thought that's crossed my mind more than a few times, but that seems like such a "big" step that I've done little more than putter around on the Intentional Communities directory and think to myself, "Hmmm, that could be interesting."

As of this month, I am once again debt free. Having worked toward this goal for the past six months, I find myself thinking, "Awesome. That burden is out of the way. So, now what?"

One thing I've already done is ask for a reduction in the number of regular hours I work each week at the gas station. Assuming the newest hire doesn't quit within the span of two weeks like the last one is doing, I'll no longer work Sundays on my regular schedule. This will allow me to spend more time with friends, church activities, Jewel Heart meetings, as-of-yet unspecified volunteer opportunities, or whatever else I choose.

That's the theory, anyway. In practice, especially now that winter is underway, I find that I've spent a large amount of my free time in purposeless, unfulfilled, mindless idleness. There's a fine line between what I consider good leisure -- having time sit and take in slow, easy breaths of fresh air, cook a yummy stew from raw ingredients, or go for a stroll in the park to watch the birds -- and depressing idleness, typically characterized in my case by checking Bloglines for the fifth time in the last half-hour to see if anyone's posted anything new. Even when they have and it's something interesting (frequently the case when you subscribe to enough feeds), it's a damn stupid way to spend an entire morning. Or worse, an entire day. A notch above channel surfing, but only a tiny one.

If that's all I'm doing, and it's not making me any happier, maybe I would be better off selling my time to the system. At least that way, maybe I could save some money up to go on a better road trip than last year's aborted experiment, or eventually buy land on which to plant a permaculture garden, or... something. (Ignoring momentarily the likelihood that any dollars we put in the bank now are likely to drop significantly in real value over the next couple of years via the magic of inflation.)

Or, maybe, just maybe, going to school wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. I do find myself wanting more in the way of practical skills. I rebel against the notion of simply getting a degree for the sake of getting a degree (or to impress shallow-minded employers I wouldn't really want to work for anyway), but learning, so long as it doesn't bog one down in stress, homework, deadlines, and tests, is something I'm all about.

Tonight, I ran across a link to this university. I find myself seriously contemplating writing to them for more information about becoming a student. I don't know how many of the concepts described on the site they've put into working practice so far. It's certainly very ambitious in intent. Even if only a tiny part of the vision has been implemented, it might still be worthwhile to pursue. Hell, maybe there's a chance I could even help them in some small way if I got involved. (I was also highly amused to discover that the operation appears to be based out of Boulder, CO.)

These are just idle thoughts right now. But six months ago, the same could be said of the idea that I might become a member and volunteer at the local coop. Look where that's led. So maybe, just maybe, this might be another stepping stone to my dream.

Tuesday, December 13

12pm

Beautiful. Joy of Heretic Fig writes entertainingly about her dumpster diving adventure. But I love this sentence the best...

"i can tell you there is more dignity in a moldy piece of fruit than the years i spent at a company where the employees are essentially already dead."