Damn. This is not good. This is so not good. I feel like I'm on the verge of having another mental breakdown. But probably all I really need is just a good night's sleep. Oh, and I'll also be needing another new job too. Please?

There's more I need to document about what's happened during the past few days, but right now, I'm focusing on this subject, because it is foremost on my mind.

Quick version: Yesterday, I spent all day (10.5 hours) making 2 sales, which earns me about $40. Today, I was scheduled to work another full shift (despite the fact that I requested a half day shift on the sign up form, due to bouncing being in town; but my requested shifts were promptly ignored when the official schedule was drawn up).

This morning, I journied to a worn down, mega-slow Albertson's in Boulder, which rests in a delapidated shopping center off of 30th Street. There, I worked for 5 hours without making a single sale. In other words, I was working for free. And hating every moment of it. (Especially when idiots with wacked out pet consiracy theories inevitably see fit to hassle the newspaper salesman about how their personal skewed racist vision of the world is not properly represented in the editorial pages of the Denver Post. Of course, those types never buy anything. But they sure love to waste your time.)

I called mom, and the rest of the family met me for lunch in Boulder at 1300. I discussed the situation with them, and said that frankly, I was thinking about walking out of the store and taking the afternoon off. A big no-no, according to the people who run the operation. If you're scheduled to work a shift, you're supposed to at least do the minimum hours, even if things are sucky.

My reasons: 1) It was bouncing's last full day in town, as he leaves at the airport tomorrow. I wanted to hang with him and the parents before he leaves town. 2) I hadn't made a dime all morning, and I'm not exactly in the mood to take orders from a company that tells me I "have to" be someplace, while giving me no guarantee of compensation whatsoever. Not even minimum wage. 3) I had only signed up for a half-day in the first place, so I had already worked what I wrote on the sheet.

Mom said, "I don't blame you."

Dad didn't either. He said that ever since I started there, I've been getting assigned to stores that are known to do mediocre or lousy business.

A few days ago, he explained to me a bit more about the non-obvious part of how the operation is run. Despite what "they" would have us believe, the store assignements are NOT handed out randomly, nor are all stores created equal. Not even close.

The best stores are always given to the sales people who consistently do the best. From a financial perspective, this makes perfect sense for the company. If Salesperson A can sell twice as many units as Salesperson B, and Store A offers twice as many viable prospects as Store B, then it makes sense to assign Salesperson A to Store A, and Salesperson B to Store B. This maximizes overall sales. But it also means that Salesperson B only gets a 1/4 fraction of the sales. (The difference becomes even greater when one factors in bonuses, or lack thereof.)

This sort of policy also creates a sort of self-reinforcing loop. The good sales people not only do well because of ability or skill (which I don't deny as being a strong factor), but also because once they get a foothold, they are given an automatic advantage.

My dad said that he has been hesitent to tell me this, because in this industry having a positive mental outlook is crucial, but ever since I started, he's observed that I've been getting assigned the lousier stores. (With the exception of the one day I traded with him, and on that day, I made over 10 sales. Not half bad for a Friday.)

It's a rigged game. There's virtually no risk to the company, because we don't make any hourly wage. And as long as those names listing weekly bonus awardees appear on the board, the rest of us keep up hope that if we do a bit better, we can get there too. So we keep smiling, keep going to stores to promote their product, and keep hanging on. (I'm not saying it's impossible either. But knowing what I now know, it would also be stupid to deny that the deck is stacked.)

Anyway, long story short because I need to leave soon.

At 1400, I packed up my gear and left the store. 0 sales.

This evening, I told the guy who was training me that I am probably going to quit. Regardless of why, it just isn't worth it to me to work long days, week after week, while my wages slide below the federal minimum.

And now I find myself wondering: What now? If I do indeed hand in my stuff tomorrow morning, what will I do? The obvious answer: Start up the job search again. And if all else fails, as a last resort, I could swallow my pride, go crawling back to the deli, and see if I could get my old job back. Based on the terms of departure, I am confident that the manager would at least put me at the front of the queue for filling any open positions.

But I'd rather see if I can find a better alternative first.

Tomorrow, we take bouncing to the airport. Then....

I must not get depressed. I must not get depressed. I must not get depressed. I must not get depressed.

I will say this though: Strange as they may be at times, my family rocks.

Out for the night.