[Finally. Part 11 in the multi-part epic describing the wedding I attended at the beginning of August 2002. Previous episodes: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10]

Sunday, August 4, 2002. 14:00 PDT. Longview, Washington. With all the guests seated for the ceremony, a hush descended over the assembled crowd as the procession began.

The mothers of the bride and groom walked up the aisle to light the candles. Most of this was obscured from my view, as I was in the foyer, near the back of the line.

As rehearsed, everyone in the party walked up the aisle and took their places in the front.

At the appropriate time, I turned and handed the rings to Jaeger. The fact that I did not have a speaking part in the ceremony made my role significantly easier. I just got to stand and watch while they exchanged vows, making sure my feet were in the correct position.

Gramps read some stuff from the Bible, and the pastor presided over the exchanging of vows. It all went by in a blur.

After the proceedings were complete, we all exited down the center aisle in LIFO order. Shortly after exiting out the back door, I returned to the front to escort the bride's other set of grandparents out of the sanctuary. It was all very fancy schmancy.

After the ceremony was over, people began to migrate over to the fellowship hall for the reception.

I was recruited to sign my name on the wedding certiface as a witness. It was all very official looking (which I suppose was the idea). I was very impressed.

Then @best_maids and I participated in more photo ops as my mom looked on.

In the reception area, people formed a long line to meet the newly married bride and groom. But I still wasn't quite off the hook yet. There was going to be a toast to perform. I quickly realized that addressing a crowd of this size was going to require some form of amplification device in order to be practical. I hunted down the appropriate parties (one of whom happened to be the bride's brother, who had also been the groom's former roommate), and arranged for a microphone to be setup.

One of the coordinating people said that she would come and inform we when the appropriate time came to raise the toast (since I consider myself fairly clueless in discerning such matters), and suggested I get something to eat and relax in the mean time.

Satisfied that things would be in order for the toast, I got in line for some refreshments, sat down for the first time in many hours, and attempted to get my jittery nerves under control. Just a brief toast, and then I can truly relax. I pondered what words I would use.

Eventually, someone came and informed me that the time was ripe to begin the toast. But by the time I got to the mike, the bride and groom had disappeared!

The bride returned, and informed me that the groom was out of service for the time being. Most mysterious. When it became apparent that he would not be re-appearing instantaniously, I returned to my seat to hang out.

@best_maids requested that I prepend my toast with a few words of their choosing. This seemed only fair. Since traditional wedding reception format does not grant the best maids the option of presenting a toast of their own, I was happy to oblige.

A few minutes later, the bride did return along with the groom.

I stepped up to the mike, took a few deep breaths, and spoke, requesting the crowd's attention. When everyone quieted down and looked in my direction, for a moment, I thought I was going to freeze. (Have I ever mentioned that public speaking is NOT one of my strengths?)

But then, after a few milliseconds, the pre-programmed routine kicked in, and I began the toast with the words of @best_maids.

"It has been requested that I make the following statement. On behalf of the best man and best maids..." I turned in the direction of the bride and groom, and doubled the volume. "We looooooooove you guys!"

Silly though it may have been, this proved to be a worthwhile opening, as it seemed to lighten up the mood considerably.

Then, it was time for my toast. I started by briefly explaining the concept of "festing" to the uninitiated, and describing how the first time I had met Jaeger's new wife had been on a fest she attended, an event historically occupied only by males.

(Now I realized I was glad I hadn't had time to create the crutch of notecards. Once I got past the nervous blockages, it was much better and more fluid to relate things on the fly than be looking down and reading from a stale script.)

With festing explained, it was time for the punchline. "As people who have participated in fests are aware, every fest has something called an opening ceremony." In festing tradition, I proceeded to lead the crowd in an opening ceremony, except this one would be for the opening of a marraige.

I picked up a drink (actually, I think someone handed one to me, since the mike was something of an impedement to movement), and started in the traditional form, and went from there. I asked the audience to repeat after me, even if they didn't understand what was being said. "To RMS! To open source! To Linus!" (According to what an observer would later tell me, most people in the crowd were looking very baffled, but they followed along anyway. Of course, that was the whole idea.)

After a few "normal" festing style toasts, I forked from the traditional mode to focus on the situation at hand. A brief pause. "To mating season in penguin country."

This drew a laugh, so I briefly expounded on something about Canadian winters. (The bride and groom's honeymoon destination.)

"To Gem and Ted." Everyone repeated the closing line.

This concluded my toast. As an afterthought, I asked if anyone else wanted to add anything. At this point, my memory is somewhat fuzzy, but I think the father of the groom got up and said a few words. Maybe.

Relieved that my final demand had been met, I returned to my seat and relaxed for a few minutes at the table with friends.

As things started to wind down, the crowd dispersed, and I realized that as nice as this tux had been, I was very ready to return to my normal clothes. I retrieved them and changed in the bathroom.

Many presents had been collected at the wedding, and they needed to be moved to the Stone Estate. Several of us loaded multiple cars with gifts to be taken to their destination.

After the presents were en route, I also rode over to watch the bride and groom open some of their gifts.

At the Stone Estate, a crowd was gathered around the couple as they opened box after box, card after card. I wanted to give them my card, but I didn't particularly want it read aloud to everyone, so I held onto it until the right moment would come.

During the present opening, the Slayer and I got into a discussion about something we both had in common. She was now employed at a preschool where I had once worked years ago. I was dismayed to learn that virtually none of the staff I had known while working there were still around. In fact, a director who we all loved so much had taken another job in Colorado Springs. Under the new administration, it looked questionable as to whether the operation would even continue much longer at all. For some reason, this news saddened me deeply.

(I had spent 5 years there, longer than I've ever been at any job. And even though it's offtopic, and even though it's been ages since I've been there, the thought of it ceasing to exist sucks.)

After a while, the bride and groom decided that they had spent enough time opening presents, and made their exit. On his way out, I handed the groom the card. That was another item I could check off.

Before leaving, the groom returned to the living room, where he presented me and each of the other groomsmen with a $25 gift card to Best Buy. Most excellent. Where or how he had obtained these, I hadn't the slightest clue. But it was a most excellent item, which could be used to buy any of a multitude of joyous things.

Then it was time for some goodbyes. Before parting company, @best_maids and I exchanged contact information. Though the three of us had spent little time together during these brief days, it seemed that I had developed something of a bond with them. It was a bummer that we couldn't hang out longer, but perhaps it was for the best.

In addition to the welcome opportunity to renew ties with many of my old friends, this wedding gave me 2 new ones. For that I was grateful.

The bride and groom made a relatively uneventful exit, as the bride's father drove them to the secret location of Yoda, where they would begin their journey northward.

With the bride and groom gone, and everyone else leaving, there was little left to do but return to the Longview Luxury Suite for the evening. I rode with several other people in Yanthor's rental car, and contemplated a relaxing end to this fun-filled trip.

[Coming at some indeterminate point in the future, the final chapter: Part 12 -- Evening with Friends.]