Today, I again found myself disgusted, tired, and worn out. I don't like the way some things are happening at my current job. So it was that I realized a that potential opportunity which has been tossed in my lap should at least be given some serious consideration, even if I ultimately decide it is not for me.

Tonight, I told my dad that I'd like to go with him on Thursday morning to observe and learn the ways of his newspaper selling job. By spending a few hours with him while he does it, I'll get feel for what it involves, and hopefully learn whether I would be up for it. After that, I intend to make a decision by the end of this week.

If I decide that this is something that I can and will do, and there is indeed a position available, then I will give 2 weeks notice at the deli next week. If not, I'll keep plodding along in my current position as necessary until another alternative is found.

In many ways, I find myself torn as I consider this. I knew all along that the deli job was not going to be, for me, a long-term career pursuit. It was, and is, merely a desperate stop-gap measure to raise a little much-needed financial input for the Bitscape Fund. Still, as I seriously ponder the possibility of getting out, I find that in some respects I have grown attached to the place, and it to me. Do I really want to leave just yet?

Today, my manager informed me that last night's nightly inspection had found multiple shortcomings.

The nightly inspection (also referred to as a "walk"), as far as I can tell, is a rather recent "innovation" that has been happening frequently for the past couple of weeks. One of the sub-managers whose scope covers the entire store (don't know the official title) goes through each department in the evening with a checklist, verifying that all sorts of things are as they are theoretically supposed to be. This doesn't sound so bad, until you get to the nitty gritty.

They usually come at around 19:30. This is right around the end of the big rush every day. Among the items that they check for are that the display cases are stocked with a plentiful supply of slided meats and cheeses, the hot bar has a good supply of fried chicken, mashed potatos, and other food, and it all looks nice and neat.

These are all good things to have, right? Good employees who are doing their jobs properly should have no trouble making sure all of this is all implemented.

Reality check. 19:30, the time of the typical inspection, is right after the big rush, which we spend most of the afternoon vigorously preparing for (in between helping the customers who wander in before the rush). If 30 people all come in consecutively at 17:30 and each order a pound of roast beef (not an uncommon occurrance), the supply of presliced roast beef will be quickly depleted. Same for turkey and cheese.

We do our best to keep everything stocked ahead of the demand, so we seldom run out. But on a busy night, the case will run low after a long string of customers, and when there's a large crowd of people waiting, we aren't going to have to stock more until things calm down. Same for the hot food. (Except that this takes more time to cook, so getting the right amount ahead of time is largely guesswork.)

Enter the inspection. Just as the rush is calming down, when the meat cases are low on various items, the hot food is starting to run out (as it's supposed to do, since everything left will be thrown away soon anyway). Not only do they want it to be stocked, they want it to look "neat". (Try waiting on a zillion customers and see how "neat" things look.)

This is also the time when we are supposed to be getting other cleaning tasks done, if we are to have any hope of finishing.

If there were an additional person also working an evening shift, having all this done as required might be more plausable. (People who have worked there longer tell me that in years past, there were regularly more people scheduled to staff the deli at all times, so getting it all done wasn't such a strain.)

Enter the inspectors. If they see something "wrong", they mark it on their list. That's their job.

Last night, conditions were not only very busy, but we also had a person who had only been on the job one day with no other training. She was, according to the schedule, supposed to function as a drop-in replacement and perform all the duties associated with her shift, while the rest of us also did our jobs as usual, helping customers, getting our cleaning done, and clocking out on time. And meet the inspection requirements introduced last week.

No. It doesn't work that way. It can't. I did everything I could. Sliced meats at turbo speed as the supplies were emptied (it was unusually busy last night) between helping customers, answering questions, and training the newbie. I put off cleaning the deep fryer for over an hour in order to make sure everything else got done, and so the new person wouldn't be on the counter confronting the crowds all by herself.

Today, I got reprimanded because some of the meats were found to be running low, the hot food hadn't been stirred, and some things looked sloppy around the edges. I will not take this kind of treatment. Certainly not for $8.48/hour.

In fairness, the reprimand was a gentle one. The deli manager knew as well as I did that what was being asked was impossible. But since I had been the one responsible, she was obligated to inform me of what the report reflected.

When I responded that things were ridiculously busy, we had a new person being trained, and even if we hadn't it would have been a tough night, she said, "I know. Just do your best."

I respect the deli manager, and I appreciate the way she understands the situation. Still, I have to recognize that when the situation itself is crazy, it is my duty to myself to ensure that I don't get crushed between the boulders. Though I am grateful for her support, and that of my coworkers, my self interest must supercede such allegances when it is a question of personal dignity and honor.

Blah. What a mess of words. Traslation: "Saving my own skin is top priority."

Even the people conducting the inspections know, to some extent, that it's a sham. I know because I've overheard them talking to some of my coworkers, reassuring us that despite appearances, this doesn't mean they're basing their appraisals on these checklists.

This is yet another of those hairbrained schemes handed down from some corporate idiots in another city (possibly another state), who want to "standardize" everything because they're so far removed from the action, the only contributions they can make take the form of checklists, policy documents, and mission statements. Incidentally, they're probably also the same ones who decided to cut the budget, making it impossible to employ enough people need to realistically meet all their pie-in-the-sky requirements.

Blah. Enough of that ranting. I have better things to talk about. (Yes I do.)

So, my next step may involve crossing over to the dark side. i.e. sales. Perish the thought.

With regard to the newspaper deal, two questions arise in my mind. 1) Am I capable? 2) Would I be able to find any satisfaction whatsoever in such a job?

I'll approach item 1 first. In the past, I would never have even engaged in the mere asking of this question, mostly because I would have thought an affirmative answer on the second question a prerequisite. If it's not something I want to do, asking whether or not I can is moot, right?

But now, extreme conditions posit extreme inquiries. Could I, if I put my every effort and energy into the purpose, sell something? I admit that thinking seriously about this question (again, disregarding question 2 for the moment) evokes a certain curiosity, and with it a sense of challenge.

What if I could?

If I can coerce this person -- reclusive, naturally introverted, geeky me -- into selling something, I could do damn near anything. If. Do I dare try?

My dad does it. He's made his living off this thing for the past couple of years. So in that regard, it has been established as a viable mode of earning money. That eliminates the "could selling this particular item in this particular way be done by anybody, much less me?" question from the equation.

Final Answer to #1: Yes. I believe that with sufficient effort, training, and dedication, I could be capable. Even though there is very little in my past to suggest that this would be my forte, since I am an intelligent, adaptable human being, it is certainly within the realm of possibility.

Now, for #2. Could I ever find satisfaction in such an activity? Right now, it seems doubtful. Especially in the long term. This, I derive merely from my natural intuition. I don't think it would fit me.

Still, the situation I'm in now doesn't exactly fit me either. Why not try something else for a while?

So it is that I will be journeying Thursday morning, on my day off, to find out more about this opportunity.

Of course, Thursday night will be another story. :)

This brings me to the most excellent program that I happened to see on my dad's tv tonight. Charlie Rose was interviewing Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Laurence Fishburn, and Joel Silver. All of them together. Of course, I had to turn my chair around and watch with undivided attention.

Funny thing is, now I barely remember a damn thing that any of them said, but it was good. They also had several clips from the upcoming Reloaded movie. I am glad I have a ticket. I hope this interview gets included with the DVD release though, as I'd like to see it again. Most insightful, as well as entertaining.

With that, I think I'll take my cue to sleep. Wake up Neo.

[signing off]