H3llo L0un6e r34D3r5. 1 4M Kn0wn as C411I5T0, 7H3 W4RR10R KW33N, 4ND 1 H4V3 0wn3d TH15 5700P1D N3RD pA63 2-N1TE. G4BRi3113 15 D34D. H4 H4 H4. N0W WH0 15 P00R LiTT13 Z33N4 g0nn4 PHuXor? H4 H4 H4 H4!

So the voters have spoken, have they? Wouldn't it be an odd world if this web page were indeed a democracy, and the readers got to decide the content by voting?

(Of course, we all know that the all-wise goody two-shoes Bitscape got rid of poll stuffing a long time ago with all that 1337 SQL magic, didn't he? H4 H4 H4 H4.)

Well guess what? Regardless of what the voters did or did not say, this is NOT kuro5hin. Bitscape, as you know him, has left for the night. Just for this evening, I have been called in to take the keyboard. So grab the reins and HANG ON!

(And if you are one of those sad little souls who isn't a fan of Xena, don't worry. You needn't feel left out tonight. In fact, you can be right at home, because I don't like her either. She's happens to be my mortal enemy.)

So, this is the legendary Argo, is it? Dear, precious, adorable little Argo. Pwa! Makes me want to puke. Only a sad, sentimental little idiot would name his computer after that pathetic bitch's horse.

Come'ere Argo. That's right. Let's see what kind of noise you'll make if I stick THIS up your serial port. Admit it. Makes ya all wet inside, doesn't it? As wet as a horse can be. Careful there girl. Get too wet, and it might short out your circuits. Imagine the possiblities! Maybe then we could really give the great Senator Santorum something to talk about when he does his next family values world tour!

Speaking of family values, I used to be a big believer in family. I loved them. My mother, my father, my sister. (I did have a sister, didn't I?) Loved them all. But that was before SHE murdered all of them in cold blood.

Oh, but how I digress. Enough about her. Let's focus on the positive, shall we?

One might almost think I was taking on some of the stuffy qualities of the numbnut who usually hogs this space. Him and his never-ending "tangents". How utterly tiresome.

The important thing is that now I am alive again! Not only alive, but I am myself again! No more of that fuckwit Archangel Michael and his heavenly puppet minions for me, thank you! (And as for any silly tales about me being reincarnated in that bitch's womb... Well... If it did happen, I sure don't remember any of it. Thank the demons for blissful oblivion!)

The important thing is that now I've been resurrected in all my dastardly glory, to reign supreme over the 21st century. Some of you might be wondering about the "how" part. Petty details. Let's just say that if "they" can do it, I can do it too. So I say a celebration is in order.

Like I said earlier, Gabrielle is dead. (Or whatever she goes by these days -- Dr. Mattie was it?) Lest you get the wrong idea, it was not I who killed her. Though I would have relished that exquisite pleasure more than Hades itself, sadly, she died before I could get to her. Something to do with a "terrorist attack" while she was on a plane to meet Xen^H^H^H Harry in New York a year or two ago?

(The gods of this age certainly have become inventive in their new and improved methods to inflict torture and suffering upon mankind. How delightfully brutal.)

Now, I was just about to get to the part where I talk about how pitifully easy it was to r00t my way into this... animal. All you LEENUX users think you're so LEET, running around bragging about how your operating system is so much more "secure" than all that shit Bill Gates makes.

Let me enlighten your egos with this tidbit of wisdom: You all are worse than a bunch of Joxers. Strutting around, brandishing your kernels like swords, showing off your apache plugins (while leaving backend holes wide wide enough for Ares to enter in your perl cgi scripts), making up songs about how "mighty" you and your penguin-worshipping buddies are. Because you think you're better than the rest of the world.

Well guess what? I'm here to tell you that you're not. You suck. Even if your boxes are secure (which they're not), your minds are fucked. While you go around obsessing about the latest Debian update, someone is sneaking up behind your back about to rape you, and you don't even have the faintest clue.

I mock your stupidity. I laugh at your downfall. I snicker as you all find yourselves getting laid off (but not getting laid), your millionare stock options becoming more worthless than toilet paper. So what do you do? The first sign of trouble comes, and you scuffle around, begging The Man to let you wipe his crusty, hairy ass in exchange for one more paycheck. One more hit of dope. You are utterly pitiful.

WAKE UP AMERICA. YOU ARE CALLISTO'S BITCH NOW. I OWN YOU, JUST LIKE I'VE OWNED THIS WEBSITE.

Gabrielle is dead. Xena is dormant and lifeless. Linus Torvalds sold out, along with all his friends. RMS is on his way to the nuthouse at this very moment. The RIAA makes the laws, while you watch your css-encoded DVDs. George W Bush reigns supreme, with Ashcroft at his side (and up his ass behind closed doors).

I love this country! God bless America.

And Callisto loves you too, all my dear, wayward little children. But alas, I must leave you before "Bitscape" wakes up and discovers what a naughty little mess I've made of his webpage today.

So I'll bid you goodnight, and be spamming an email account near you again soon. Watch for my message. The subject will be, "Naked pr0n sluts can teach YOU the path to enlargement today!" Remember those words, so you can spot them easily when you receive it. Read every word carefully.

One more thing. Don't forget to floss your teeth. Callisto will be very disappointed if she finds you have bad dental hygiene. I'll send Mr. Hankey after you, because he loves to get into your mouth to clean them.

I am Callisto, Warrior Queen. Bow before me as the world crumbles to dust.

Disclaimer: Argo's serial port was not harmed or otherwise penetrated during the production of this highly unconventional rambling.