Back to work today, and within an hour of arriving at the store, I felt drained, demoralized, and exhausted again. My job sux, but it's the best thing I've got going for me right now. So I press on, even if I'm not always sure why.

On the bright side, I should be getting my first raise sometime next month. It won't be huge, but it'll be something. Maybe, just maybe, enough that I can start thinking about moving into a place of my own again, if I can find a really cheap apartment. Worth thinking about at least.

(Last fall, when I was unemployed and the bank account felt like it was in freefall, I did the math. In the apartment I was in, I could have barely made it on $10/hour working full time. That would have paid the rent, kept the electricity on, the net connection alive, and provided ramen and beans for me to eat. Survival. After I get my raise, I'll be making $9.48/hour. So maybe, just maybe, if I find a cheaper, smaller place somewhere... Maybe.)

The way they do raises at King Soopers is peculiar. The amount you are paid is based solely on how long you have worked there. Not on performance. Not on review by your manager. Not on mystery shopper ratings.

One of my former coworkers, upon receiving a 100% mystery shopper rating, said, "Hey, does this mean I get a raise?"

This was met by a laugh. Like, "Yeah right, nice joke."

But seriously, why shouldn't it be that way? The way things are, there's virtually no financial incentive for anybody to do really well at all. As long as you do your job with some measure of adequate competence (i.e. don't get fired), it makes no difference. How boring.

Oh well. I guess the way things are isn't entirely without merit. Theoretically, it makes for a less stressful work environment. Although I'm not really even convinced of that. Lately, everybody just seems really burned out in general. It's not just me either. I know this because last week, one woman I work with -- a mother of 4 -- said, "Sometimes, I just don't know why I keep coming back here. I should find another job where I'm not so burned out all the time."

Now coming from this person, that's really a statement. Usually, she's really up-beat and energetic, so when she says something like that, you know it's serious.

The chef, who was listening behind her table, replied, "I think all of us around here are burned out lately."

Amen to that.

Short-staffed all the time. Absentee management from god-knows-where breathing down everybody's necks about cutting costs. Whiny, picky customers constantly bitching about petty bullshit. Why put up with all of it, day after day? Why?

I've almost become numb to the whole thing.

I need to focus on the positive. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a nice computer, and still more entertainment readily available than I can really absorb. That's an order of magnitude higher than most people in the world.

On that note, a not-so-subtle reminder. This week is indeed a good week for tv-show DVD junkies. Scheduled for released on Tuesday:

• Babylon 5, Season 2
• Xena Warrior Princess, Season 1. (Apparently, this time it will be a real release, not a half-assed low quality transfer, online-order-only thing like they did last fall.)

Hooray! Will my bank account survive the week? The answer remains to be seen.