I see an idealized Hollywood fairytale vision of my life at this stage of evolution. In this vision, by day, I am the lowly but efficient deli clerk who slices up the meat with one hand, rings up a customer with the other, checks the backstock to make sure everything is in order, and simultaniously manages to casually flirt with a few of the pretty girls who happen to wander by. Always on top of things, and always excelling at the game.

As soon as I punch out, my character transforms into the 1337 H4X0R d00d known as Bitscape (among other more s3kr1t handles), who can jack into the net and instantly become omnipotent as well as omniscient. Give me a perl interpretor and I'll give you an interactive web discussion board. Give me a Linux box and I'll become God. Give me a web page with a few readers, and I'll write prose to sway the minds of thousands. We will subvert the system from beneath itself.

That's the fantasy. (He can be played by Kevin Sorbo, if you like.) The reality...

In the deli, I'm the new guy, barely managing, with a healthy dose encouragement and help from coworkers, to keep up with the stream of tasks to be done. It's hard work, but I think I'm finally getting to the point where I can get through most of a workday without having to ask a zillion questions. (The annoying thing is than many of them have been answered before, but I often find myself forgetting little details two or three times before they stick.)

Several people have lamented the fact that the store simply does not give deli employees enough hours to properly train new hires. Ideally, someone with experience would be able to walk a new person through each and every task the first time, and perhaps the second time it is performed.

Unfortunately, existing employees are pretty much expected to carry on their existing workload, and train new people at the same time, as management been very pickly lately against anyone taking any overtime, so usually the best people can do is give a quick run-down of what is supposed to happen, and leave you to make the best of it. Given the circumstances, I'd say the department has collectively done a really good job of getting me up to speed.

Earlier this evening, one person confessed to me that the deli has a ridiculously high turnover rate. Many people who have started have quit within the first two weeks, due to the stress level. Having worked there for three, I can say I sort of understand why. It hasn't been easy. (My current position is that at least for the time being, I'll stick through thick and thin, barring anything ridiculously drastic like violations of federal labor law, which fortunately hasn't happened.)

Given this knowledge, a lot of things start to make sense though.

1) If a large number of people quit that quickly, it's understandable why they wouldn't want to put a large amount of resources into training them. You don't put massive amounts of money into teaching somebody who has a greater than %50 chance of walking out the door the next day.

2) It might also explain why several coworkers have been going out of their way (up to what they're able under the constraints) to make things easy for me. They don't want to see me leave, and are understandably fearful that it might happen. (Earlier this week, one person just about said as much.) I don't think it would be boasting to say that I'm a good worker, and generally pretty easy to get along with.

3) A theory of mine (which may or may not be true, given my level of information): Maybe if the store would put a little more resources into training, and ease employees into the process (as opposed to the "sink or swim" philosophy which is apparently the currently prevailing doctrine), they might not have quite so much trouble with retention rates. I would at least consider it a viable possibility.

Silly management. :)

Back to the fantasy vs reality department... Me, flirting with the girls? Bah. Ya'll know I'm way too shy for any of that. ;)

As for after hours... Well, most of the time, I've found myself either too exhausted or too lazy to do anything even resembling 1337 lately.

Again, the current situation of having a bedroom at my mom's place, a PC at my dad's place, plus a lonely little old computer in a desk at the Boulder Compound Alcove, kind of makes things.... fragmented. Both last night, and the night before, I found myself laying in bed in the middle of the night at mom's apartment, thinking "I'd really like to type a rambling right about now." But I didn't quite feel up to driving all the way over here just for that, especially when I knew I'd probably forget 80% of it by the time I arrived. (This was 2am, after all.)

Well, tonight, here I am.

I actually haven't been to mom's yet this evening. I came straight here to the Laser Fortress from the club.

This evening was the first time I went there in over 2 months. Today I had come prepared. I brought an extra set of clothes in the car, so after a hard day at work, I decided it was past time I get down there to at least have a beer and dance to a couple songs. So I did. (I changed clothes in the car, avoiding stopping at either parental unit's house to avoid stalling and/or the need for any explanations.)

Walking back into that place made me feel alive again. Ever since the end of August, I've felt like I've been gradually withering, as the life slowly seeped out of me. I know it sounds corny and maybe ridiculous, but the once again taking in ambience of the club -- the dark music, the faint cigarette smoke (not strong enough to give me headaches), the lights, all the people in leather -- as I sipped on a beer... it really touched my soul. I felt like I had regained some kind of purpose, or at least a motivation to have a purpose.

After sitting for a while, and saying hi to a few people I recognized, I tried dancing to a few songs. This was where the physical reality caught up with me. Dancing comes a lot easier after one has been sitting in an office cubicle all day than it does after an 8 hour shift of standing up. I danced to a few songs, and then sat back down. Physically, I wasn't into it.

2300. I drove here, read email, and caught up on the last 4 days of slashdot articles. How's that for being 1337?

In other news, I find that being without internet access at my mom's place has its own unique advantages. On Wednesday, I read the rest of Huxley's Brave New World (and most of Brave New World Revisited), which was most enjoyable. (This probably wouldn't have happened if a web browser had been immediately available.)

I've also been watching LoTR and Episode II documentaries (yes, I also gave in to temptation and got that DVD). Unbelievable stuff. Especially all the stuff they did for LoTR, exhaustively covered over 2 discs of documentaries. It's insane.

Oh, and there's always MTV2, like I was watching last night before I fell asleep. (It's broadcast on the airwaves here in this town. Is that a feature or a bug?) As a result, I've had that irritatingly catchy J Lo song going through my head.

Repeat those 4 lines ad infinitum... Arrrrrgh.

Tomorrow afternoon, I work again. Then I have a whopping 4 days off. I'm going to be very tempted to go grab a copy of Metroid Prime. (Yes, the cube is all setup and running in my room at mom's place. BTW, that's the other thing I did: Got to the very last boss on Eternal Darkness. Haven't beat him yet though.) If all the reviews and comments I've read are to be believed, the latest incarnation of the Metroid franchise possesses a grandeur nothing short of the Second Coming in the realm of console video gaming.

(Given the fun I had with Metroid games on previous console generations, I'm inclined to believe them.)

Alright, I'm now more tired than anything, so I'm going to jump back in the car and drive a few miles to my bed. Goodnight.