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Something to say...

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I haven't written anything here for days. What is the real me?

A fair amount of stuff has happened since.... last Tuesday. But I haven't written about it because... well, no reason, really.

Writer's block. I tried to start writing another wedding chapter today, and found myself stuck halfway through the first paragraph. Uggh. It has the potential to be a really good chapter too, if only I could get my brain to go into writing mode. Tomorrow, perhaps.

(The question might occur, why am I not writing that at this very moment. I had hoped to do it tonight, but after staring at the screen for a while, I realized more of the same wasn't going to do any good, and maybe a little free form babble, in classic rambling style, might help get the juices going a bit easier.)

And even now, only with great resistance.

Now the question: At this moment, shall I summarize the events of the past few days, or go into yet another angst-ridden (and likely repetitious) rant about how much it sucks to be jobless?

Maybe neither.

Maybe both.

Summary:

Wednesday. Went to the Boulder Compound in the afternoon. Pair programmed with Jaeger on integrating the builder code. It was a worthwhile exercise, given the task at hand. With builder, there turned out to be some loose ends in my code that were better solved without taking up Jaeger's time, so I took care of those later in the evening.

Thursday. Applied for a job at king soopers. scottgalvin.com bought Jaeger and I a late "lunch" on Pearl Street, after which we wandered around aimlessly for a while. That was fun. BLUG in the evening. Zan Lynx, Jaeger, and Kiesa also showed up. We hung out for a while after the meeting, and Jaeger told us about his parental avoidance schemes, which turned out to become a reason to stay later.

(I could empathize, since my own past also included parents who hassled me about getting a job. Very annoying.)

Friday. Slept for a significant portion of the day. Kids, don't try that at home.

Journeyd to eat dinner at what might be called the Fort Collins Compound, during which I got a double dose of trademark Galvin insanity. Yeah, don't try that at home either.

Watched what turned out to be an unbelievably cheesy movie. lol.

Saturday afternoon. Recorderd another crappy commentary track. Head over to Jaeger's page, and you'll see what I mean.

Saturday evening. Journied to the Boulder Compound, where I joined Jaeger, Kiesa, and Captain Logan in watching the Harry Potter movie. It was entertaining, if goofy in some parts. Jaeger and Captain Logan were bothered by some of the special effects. I found them adequate, but the rules for the sporting event depicted made no logical sense to me.

After that, I was treated to a viewing of Jaeger's commentary track for the Worst Scifi Sequel Ever, during which a very special guest made an appearance. lol.

I witnessed some of the rough edits for scenes from the Worst Scifi Prequel Ever, and observed as Jaeger and Captain Logan edited footage before my eyes. It's gonna be a huge smash. Take my word for it.

Alright...

I'm going to sleep now. My life seems like it's going to hell, and I feel ultimately pretty powerless to do anything about it.

I keep telling myself, "Maybe tomorrow, I'll get a job offer. If I do, even if it's just a clerking job, then I can jump up and down, shout and scream, and email everyone I know to tell them the news. I can announce it on my web page. I can make solid plans about where to move. I can say something other than, 'still looking', which gets increasingly tiresome with each iteration. Maybe tomorrow."

Some days, I fill out job applications, and other days, I don't. Some days, I work on buildmeasite, and other days, I don't. Some days, I make minor alterations to the look of this web page, and other days, I don't. Some days, I reply to friends' emails quickly, and other days, I leave them in the inbox for a while in hopes that I'll have something better to say by the time I do reply.

Nothing seems to matter. Nothing seems to work. Yeah, I'm depressed. Yeah, I want out of it. I try to keep a pleasant face on when I'm dealing with other people, but when I think about leaving my apartment in two weeks with no idea what the destination will be, I find that harder and harder.

I don't want to be a charity case either. I hate that thought. I have a good, smart mind, and a healthy body. There is NO GOOD REASON on this pathetic little earth that I should not be doing something to earn my way. But try telling that to potential employers. What is it that I'm missing?

Ok, I can see that this is quickly degenerating into a Stage 2 rant, which doesn't do anybody any good.

I'm going to bed now. Peace, all.