It's now 14:30. Much of the cleaning is done, but not all of it. Most of the stuff is moved, but there are still a few bits and pieces left (Argo, obviously, being one of them). If I'm lucky, I'll have done everything that I'm supposed to by 17:00. The next couple hours are gonna be a rush.

It's nearly empty now. Not quite as empty as I was aiming to have it by this point, but it's actually looking like having everything out is foreseeable.

Alright. Just got back from the interview, and filling out the papers. I have been hired as a deli clerk at King Soopers. Yay for me.

I have 48 hours to be out. Edging ever closer to the point of being gone. My world is ending. But it keeps ending. It doesn't stop. Can I hit the Reset button now?

The snow just doesn't stop falling outside. It's beautiful to the eyes, but worrysome when confronted with the thought that I need to have the rest of my stuff moved Real Real Soon. I'm attempting to wait at least until it stops falling before moving items. I may not be able to hold much longer though.

The night is empty. The music brings me comfort. My apartment is about 2/3rds empty compared to what it was last week. Today, my dad helped me move the big stuff over to his place.

Words here come slowly, if at all.

[This is Part 9 in the multi-part epic describing the wedding I attended at the beginning of August 2002. Previous episodes: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8]

In a few moments, I'll switch all the dns records over to send everybody to Bitscape's Lounge on its new home at buildmeasite. There's just a few more little things I want to do before unleashing it on the whole world though. But by the time people read this, it will have already happened.

This nearly concludes a week during which I got such an amazingly small amount of nothing accomplished, that I have astounded even myself with the lengths of my own lethargy. It's like I just don't care anymore. Almost to the degree that I feel incapable of caring. Trying to force myself to care doesn't doesn't help either.

Ok people, I haven't posted anything for a couple of days. So I figure now is a good time to do so.

Today, I arose before the crack of dawn, and journied to my dad's apartment, where we loaded a rented pickup truck with a bunch of his old junk. As the sun came up, we journied to the flea market.

This afternoon, scottgalvin.com came to the Castle Lair to drop off payment for the work I've done on buildmeasite.

I hate this. Getting stuff all ready to move out of my apartment. It sucks. I've been trying to keep a positive attitude, keep a sense of adventure about it, but... As my bedroom gets closer and closer to being clear, and more and more boxes get filled, I just feel worse and worse.

From the things-you-discovere-while-packing department...

I discovered this scribbled in a random notebook. It's dated 4/8/2002. April 8. A little over six months ago. Kind of random. Here, for everyone's depressing pleasure:

While going through the drawers, getting rid of old stuff, and rummaging through papers from long ago, I came across documents issued back when I was first hired as a software engineer at an up-and-coming "Internet company". Looking at them now makes me want to cry.

Well, I filled out the application in the store. The friendly clerk said that they'd give me a call for an interview. We'll see...

I should be handling this like an adult, but I'm not. I just want to go into the corner and disappear. I've been sleeping way too much lately. When I inevitably wake up in the late morning or afternoon, I find myself instinctively crawling back into bed in hopes that I can sleep longer, even if I'm not physically tired.

I want the world to end, but paradoxically, I want nothing more than to get back into some kind of routine where things are stable and secure.

Today, I made my second attempt to get a tour of the UPS facility in Commerce City, where they are purportedly hiring package handlers. (My first attempt yesterday was thwarted by my own lack of knowledge of the area, and I ended up getting hopelessly lost as darkness fell.)

Well, here it is. Middle of the month. October 15. I have no job. Two weeks to clear the apartment. A load of furniture that needs to be removed. Still no clear idea on exactly where I'm going to stay after this. We will now operate under the assumption that I'm fucked.

Last night, I hit a low point in terms of mental functioning capacity. In addition to feeling completely overwhelmed with my situation, thoughts of my own foolishness came rushing to the forefront of my mind. Self-loathing to an extreme degree. I couldn't face it.

[This is Part 8 in the multi-part epic describing the wedding I attended at the beginning of August 2002. Previous episodes: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7]

...

Something to say...

...

Well this is annoying. I try to tune in and watch the new Buffy, and UPN is broadcasting nothing but dead air. So after a few minutes of staring blankly and wondering what could possibly be going on, I wander back over to my PC to read random websites, and maybe write a little rant on my website about this oddness. Well, at least I'm not crazy.

Some days, it feels like the only thing standing between me and a nice huge overdose of sleeping pills is the fact that I have parents who would be devastated if I ended myself in such a manner. I can't do that to them. Am I really this depressed? No, I can't be.

Just got off the phone with someone at a company somewhere in a southeasterly direction of here, in a city known for its great salsa. Job interviewing over the phone. So nervous. I think I should have consumed some alcohol beforehand.

I can feel my life officially beginning to kick into full throttle. Things are happening.

[This is Part 7 in the multi-part epic describing the wedding I attended at the beginning of August 2002. Previous episodes: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6]

I just got back from taking a nice walk in the cool autumn afternoon twilight. It's really nice out there now. The air is so cool and fresh. The mere act of breathing it helps to lift my spirits a bit.

I forgot to mention this in previous mega-rambling. But it's a big enough deal that it deserves its own space anyway. An official announcement.

Cleaning the log forgotten corners of Argo's hard drive, little by little over the past couple days, I'm discovering all sorts of wacky ancient stuff I had forgotten about.

Days like this make me wish I really did work for a porn company. When I threw everything up on the public web server directory last night, I wasn't sure what the reaction would be. "Nah, nobody else would ever be interested in my helter skelter collection. But what the hell. The cable modem is going down soon, so let's go all out."

Well, the verdict is in.

Digging into a forgotten corner of my hard drive, I found this. Memories are crazy. That was, what... 3.5 years back? Spring of 99? Seems like it was a century ago.

The thing that almost sucks as much as losing my apartment is that with it, I'm going to lose my hi-band connection, at least for a while. The connection by which this web page, and all associated stuff, is served. I hate it. But since we are now dealing with the inevitable, why not make the best of this final month here? (And yes, there will be some kind of future after that, but it's very hard for me to see it right now.)

I think I'll attempt a little catharsis of my own. Having no job SUCKS. There, how's that?

It's now official. The Castle Lair will be another past memory one month from now.

I have a letter in front of me, along with a check. When I walk downstairs to the office and hand this letter into somebody else's possession, the wheels will have been set in motion. I will have to be out of this building within a month.

A little rambling before I go to bed for real now. Having babbled and chatted on mass irc for 5 hours with many of the the usual suspects, plus a few not-so-regular faces, and even a new soul or two, I'm, well... just about to go to bed. But first, a few words for the web.