Let's go for a positive vibe tonight.

My rambling last night came from a pretty low place. I guess that was obvious. The thoughts and feelings described therein were not my experience for the entire weekend, but they were there, and so I decided to vent them.

Today, when I went to check my mailbox, an envelope had arrived. It was my order from this honorable and upstanding American business. Tobias has now gained a new decoration. destory the meme.

The Prodigy have made some great music, haven't they?

Tonight, I'm going to discuss a little bit in the way of dreams. Not the sleeping dreams, but dreams of the future. These are dreams I had, and still have. These are dreams I was thinking about when I decided to give long-term notice at my job, and told people that I would be quitting in January.

Note that a dream is not the same thing as a specific plan or goal. These dreams were and are vague, and in some ways, impractical. For a while, I had the audacity to think that maybe just some of it could be turned into reality. Now, I might just be crazy enough to think that maybe some of it still can, eventually.

A few weeks ago, when I formulated plans for the future, there was a part of my brain that wanted to just set off and try to make these dreams real immediately, with little forethought or planning. Had I followed these whims, the results would likely have been disasterous. Fortunately, I knew enough about myself to realize that restraint was an absolute necessity in the short term.

At the same time, I could not ignore the part of myself that needed to fly. So I made a plan, with the intention of sticking to it. I would continue, for the most part, with my day-to-day, week-to-week routine until January. That would allow me time to think in more depth about how some of my dreams might realistically be realized. It would also give me a chance to weed out that which is totally irrational, decide upon priorities, and gradually prepare my life for its next phase.

Finally, I could smoothly transition out of the job I held for the past two and a half years. I would let everyone know that I was going ahead of time, so they could make any necessary preparations. I'd pay off the last of my debts before moving on, and all would be hunky dory. Hah.

Well, to quote a famous singer, life has a funny way of helping you out. It's only September, and here I am! A jobless freak, out of money, listening to post-hippie mindwarp music in an apartment that's altogether too classy for my newly achieved status in life.

Well, getting back to this hypothetical dream for a transitional lifestyle to be lived at some undetermined point in the future. Although thoughts of these things flittered through my mind during the weekend I went to a "higher place", I was reluctant to write them because I knew they were just that: Passing thoughts. Not goals. Not plans. Not yet. Maybe later. (I may have written about them a little bit, but I tried to stick to the present and short term future as much as possible.)

The same is true now. This is not a goal. Merely a batch of ideas. I may pursue some version of this reality at a later date. I know some of it contradicts other plans of mine, and the scenario may even be self-contradictory in some regards. So be it. It's just a dream.

I envision throwing the bulk of my possessions into a storage locker somewhere, to be retrieved much later, but forgotten for a while. Rent it out for 6 months minumum. A year would be even better.

Move out of my apartment and become homeless for a while. Set things up so that all the bills get paid electronically, or through direct debit. My cell phone bill would need to be switched to a nationwide plan so I wouldn't constantly get gouged with roaming charges. Work long enough so that some spare money could be saved in my bank account. I wouldn't need a ridiculously huge amount, but enough to eat and buy gas for a while.

Preferably, I'd also get a laptop. Take it computer on the road, with all my critical data. I'd probably leave Argo and Dagobah in storage, although it might be feasable to haul Argo along in the trunk.

Then, with a fresh oil change, a tank full of gas, and a huge pile of cds (or better, a huge hard drive full of oggs wired into the car's sound system), just take off...

Hit the road. See the country. Try to traverse all 50 states. See old friends along the way. Stop in unfamiliar towns. Breathe the air of each locale.

When not crashing at old friends' places, I could sleep in my car. Having done it before on the way to San Antonio, I know that I can do it. Tobias is quite cozy, thank you.

Maybe if I find a place that I like, and has a few temporary job openings, stop for a month or two. Wash windows. Help the people fix their computers or something before moving on again. I dunno. It's a thought.

Depending on the cash supply, maybe catch a few rock shows at the local venues. Or hear local artists. That might be cheaper, and potentially more interesting.

If I find myself really rich (unlikely), look up the local escort services in a given area, and get a tour guide, so to speak.

After either (1) I've had my fill of the road, or (2) the money runs out, I could go back to searching for a "real" job. Either come back home, or if I've found a place that's better, with more job demand (Colorado sucks in that department), then park there, rent an apartment, and go back to 9-5 life. Who knows? There's even a chance I could end up in Seattle.

These are dreams. These are thoughts. These are possibilities for the future. Ideas which I might pursue at some undetermined point.

My vague thought was that it might be feasible around January, if I really wanted to go for that lifestyle. But that was before I lost my job.

Before embarking on such an aimless quest, it would really be wise to pay off all the debts. I've still got a good $3K to go on the car loan, and I've temporarily suspended making further payments ahead of schedule until another steady source of income can be found.

In order to really make it work, I'd also need to work up a decent bank balance to keep me going for a while. Truthfully, even at my old job, it would have been a stretch to get things setup by January. But then again, it wasn't necessarily my plan to immediately hit the road anyway. That was all hazy.

So now, it looks like this idea could be a ways away, if indeed I ever want to try it. I think I might, but much preparation would be necssary. It's not something I can just dive into on the spur of the moment. Be a nomad for a while. Just for a while.

That's it for tonight's episode of mindhack.

I think I'll play a little more with the buildmeasite code before bed tonight.