Since I am now aware that it is undisputably public knowledge, I'm going to go ahead and comment directly about recent events.

It sounds so nice in the press release. "reduce cost structure... steamlining operating expenses... reduction of its workforce" Yeah.

Well, it sucks. It sucks to walk into work, and realize that one third of the people you used to see and work with on a daily basis will no longer be around. I have no doubt that it sucks even more, by an order of magnitude, to be one of those people, especially in the current economic climate.

Then there's the survivor's guilt. "Why am I still here? I'm no better, more qualified, more competent, or a harder worker than they are. Why should I still have a job, and they not? This ain't right." But it gets worse.

It gets worse when you realize that somebody higher up in the company had to choose between you and those people who are no longer around. For some reason, they chose you. "Wow, I must be special. Talent on loan from God. Aren't I the supergenius? Could it be that somebody thinks I'm better than...?"

It's a horrible thing to be thinking at such a time, but it's impossible not to. Naturally, that leads to more guilt, alternating with the fear that in the next downsizing, I would likely be the next to go.

With all this shit going through your head, productivity goes somewhere in the direction of the toilet. That ain't cool either, because with so many people gone, there's more responsibility for the few who are left. Not a pretty picture.

Well, anyway, this afternoon I had a brief chat with the department VP, who had had to make the decisions about who stayed and who left. He was required to let N people go; which ones were at his discretion. I cannot imagine being in a more uncomfortable situation than that, especially when the company needs all its personnel, but cannot afford it on a continuing basis. It just sucks for everybody.

Well, those of us who are left will continue. Picking up the pieces, moving on, and hopefully succeeding. There is evidence of that beginning to happen already. It's painful though, to be trying to figure out and manage code written by people you thought would surely last longer in the organization than you. ("Damn them for not commenting!" ;)

It's crazy. It's fucked up. That's life. Live with it.

I think I'll journey to Boulder for Shambhala meditation tonight. As a result, I'll probably be late for mass irc, but I will join when I return (assuming anyone else is there, hopefully). Gotta go, cause I'll be late.