I once read a review which stated that this film would only hold appeal for two types of people: Aspiring film students, and emotional masochists. Which category do I fall into? Another review (I think it was actually reprinted on the insert) stated that if America really wants to get serious about keeping kids away from drugs, then this film should be required viewing for all high school students.

It is simultaniously agonizing and riveting. It draws you in with a high energy soundtrack, a barrage of gorgeously composed and edited photography, and most of all, a cast of characters with whom anyone could easily empathize. Then, the latch on the mind locks. You feel compelled to go the rest of the way. Like a master storyteller, the movie hints at what is looming, and though you dread for the foreshadowed outcome more and more with each passing moment, you cannot turn away. Mercilessly, it kicks into high gear, through the meat grinder of the heart, and into freefall. There is no rest until the bitter end. By the time the end credits start to run, and the violins conclude their haunting melody, a wave of exhausted relief is the only thing left to feel. You are glad that it is finally over.

My eyes became wet, and a few tears escaped while watching this movie tonight. I had seen it before, so I knew what would happen, but that did not lessen the effect. I cried during the scene when Harry went to visit his mother. (If you saw either of the commentary tracks, you know I wasn't the only one. While shooting one of the takes of that scene, Darren Aronofsky became angry at the Director of Photography who was operating the camera because he had not kept the frame centered. When the guy took looked up from behind the lense, it became evident that his eyes were filled with tears. He couldn't see what he was shooting because his vision was blurred. Interestingly, that take was used in the final cut.) I cried when she tried to explain her situation to the office workers. I cried during the infamous telephone scene.

Why do I choose to watch a portrayal of such horrendous events? I'll speculate 2 reasons. 1) I seek a greater understandiing of the human condition, and by extension, my own condition. Although I fortunately do not suffer from the type of substance abuse which preyed upon the characters in the movie, every human being has the capacity to experience addiction, even if it sometimes means becoming addicted to something as innocent and harmless as buying and watching DVDs (if that isn't an example of sickly postmodern irony, I don't know what is). By studying the nature of the process by which people become addicted, I might gain greater insight and awareness of what goes on within myself. 2) The second reason I watch? The musical score is an absolute feast for the ears.

Human beings can be such fragile, pathetic creatures at times, being so prone to fall victim to their own destructive devices. It helps to remember to cherish every moment of life for what it is, and appreciate everything that is good. As dark and torturesome as it is, I think that ultimately, this movie inspires that type of appreciation, if for no other reason than that the only direction your emotions can go after seeing it is up. I'll be getting some rest now.