I seem to be in an ongoing state of repeating fluxuation. At one end, I want to explode with the vibrant energy that I know is laying dormant within me. I want to unleash myself on the world. Throw all that once was valuable away, abandoned in pursuit of that ultimate dream.

Deja vu. Have I typed this rambling before?

But the limiting forces of reality -- of myself -- come crashing in soon enough, keeping me caged within this narrow existence I have managed to stumble upon. I travel the path. On both sides are wilderness and chaos, the beautiful unpredictability of life untamed. I want to embrace this visceral nature, take off running leaps and bounds into the wild territory, and leave the well-tread path behind. But I can't. My mind is locked, a prisoner of its programming.

Sure, I may deviate a little here and there. Walk near this edge or that, or even venture onto the rough land next to the path for a time. But always, I am pulled back to the dirt. My life.

...

Monday, while I was running at twilight, I dreamed up another possible pet web project. Make the ultimate "Fuck you and fuck the world" style web page. Drab colors. Huge fonts. Sparse but effective words. Yet another specticle of the web, designed to elicit in the viewer a spirit of violent anti-conformity (or so my ego would have me hope). Maybe if the world gets enough of that, we as a species just might be able to get this ship turned in a worthwhile direction. A saturation of anti-authoritarianism on a global scale. It's a thought, at least.

Chances that this project will actually ever be implemented: a generous 1%.

...

Yes, Bitscape has been being a good boy, and taking his medication every day. (Well, okay, so I missed a dose when I pulled the all-night rambling Friday. But otherwise, I've been good.)

[A pause in typing while Queensryche's Take Hold of the Flame plays.]

I've gone mostly silent about that whole thing on this page lately. That doesn't mean nothing has been happening. The last appointment I had with my therapist a couple weeks ago, was... .. insightful, and perhaps a bit disconcerting in some ways. I'm not even sure how much of that I really want to go into here. I will say there was a lot to digest. Certainly an unexpected twist. Ever since, it's all been silently churning at the back of my mind. I'm still uncertain as to how to work out the ramifications. Maybe I'll do a rambling on it sometime. Next appointment in two days. Wheee...

...

Meanwhile, in Keslin-land, the amusements never cease. (Need I remind? Not a place to visit from work, although some have reported that lynx works quite nicely without being conspicuous.) Anyway, I found it amusing that I am far from the only person who visits (almost) as much for the discussion areas as for the pictures .

Choice quote from a fellow member: "Intelligent, friendly people are a rarity, and somehow a bunch of them have congregated at a porn site."

ROTFL.

Stranger things have been known to happen, I suppose. Not very often, though.

...

I guess sleep would be a good idea. Actually, I wasn't even planning on doing a rambling tonight, but on a whim, the muse (if that's what it can be called) hit me. I'm sure you know how that goes.

Lalala. That's all now.