Water, por favor. brb.

Today, today, today. Not having much to say here, although it seems like I should. No, maybe I shouldn't. I ponder whether the end of Bitscape's Lounge might be on the horizon. No, no no. Not much in the way of cohesive thoughts to say right now. Scatterbrained. That would seem to be a very accurate description of me today. Frustrated might be another. Mostly about myself.

I ate too much.

My room is a pig sty. The voice of Cold Hard Merciless Truth was right. What kind of woman is going to want someone like this?

Stop. Stop. STOP. I MUST not engage in this sort of tearing down of myself. Once it gets going, it feeds on itself. I must do anything, take any means necessary, to prevent myself from leading my mind down that path. Gotta get on a more positive track.

At this point, I'm wondering if I'm really going to want to go through with submitting this. What do I do when my throughts slant toward the darker side?

On the one hand, when I write these darker ones, I often find that after I'm done, I actually feel a bit better. I think that the very act of putting my thoughts into words helps to clarify them. Even get the nonsense out, so that once it's out, I can see it for what it is. These sentences can stand on their own merits, and help me to see some of my own lies for what they are. Sometimes that seems to work, anyway.

So what would be the reasons against publishing my less flattering moments on the web? The most obvious is that typically, they are just that: less flattering. lol. There's also this whole... notion, that even on my web page, I'd like to present something of a more positive persona. And of course, this: When I'm feeling realy, really low, I'm often in no mood to go type about it. If I feel up to attempting, it often comes out as incoherent, wandering, and forced. For example, when I started this rambling, it felt very forced. Now, things are flowing a bit more naturally, even if I still don't feel like I'm having much of substance to say.

So, to the question that some may be wondering: Yes, the darkest of the dark never even end up getting typed. Fortunately, there have not been a lot of those sorts of times in my life recently. Oh, but last summer.... last summer.... Yeah. Weeks going by, with little or no ramblings. Not cool.

Now, what DO I have to say? DO I have anything to say? Sadly, not much. lol. So why am I typing this? Just because I'm typing now, it STILL doesn't mean I'm going to actually post this. I could :wq! and cancel out right now. Although, with each passing word, the odds are greater that it will be published. It's easy to say "screw it" when you've just got one or two sentences or paragraphs. When you've gotten this far though, it gets harder and harder to willfully throw so much away, even if it does amount to a pile...

[Bitscape stopped, mesmorized by the creature which briefly appeared outside his open window. A cat. A golden orange cat.]

It went on its way when it heard me start typing again. Heh. Funny how that is. Or... funny to me anyway. Oh well, on with it.

Yeah, this one is definitely going into the submit bin now. Wouldn't be the first time I've typed for a good long hour without having said anything of concrete value. lol.

Ultimately, that IS what this page is for: A place where Bitscape can spew ANY kind of wierd bits of shit his brain comes up with. Although... I must say I'm considering going back to either delete or revise a sentence or two which may or may not incriminate and/or paint a false light on other characters in my life. ...

Done. Now nobody will ever know.... heeheehee. ;)

Well, I'd love to stick around and chat, but, I'll have to say: Sorry folks, I have a few things to attend to. Thanks for dropping by, and maybe next time, I'll actually have something worth saying to say. That is, if Rage ever comes back up. If it doesn't, then chances are that very few people will ever end up seeing this at all anyway. ;)

G'day.