or not.

[Debates with self: To write, or not to write. Write, and I probably come off as a negativistic sourpuss, and do nobody -- including myself -- any good. Don't write, and an expressive outlet is closed off. And the current events don't get recorded. Blah. I guess to write it is.]

(Just a note: There have been times in the past when I have been faced with a similar decision while sitting in front of this console, and chosen the other option. When that happens, nobody knows about it. Disproportionate representation by definition? lol.)

Well, this one isn't really all that bad or depressing. It just... sucks. And thank goodness, this time, it's not directly related to by job (at least that part of my life is cool), or any of my stupid little New Year's Resolutions. (Although the fact that I just referred to them as "stupid" signals my brain that it's not exactly in the best of moods right now.)

No, now we have a new topic to bitch about. <sarcasm>Oh yay! Can't everybody hardly wait for this one?</sarcasm>

OTOH, I think writing this might actually be worsening things. Or maybe it's just releasing what was there, and just inside pissing me off. Gotta get it out somewhere.

Everybody, this is now officially my therapy session. Should you choose to stick around, you might get hit with a little debris. The readers should consider themselves warned.

Alright, here's the story: Yesterday afternoon, I got down and dirty with 'net research on something that I've been needing to do for a while: Buy a car. I hit google and found web sites, tips, tutorials, tips, reviews, did research on various models, prices, financing, etc etc etc.

After last night's X Files (which pretty much sucked, BTW), I decided I had a pretty good idea of what I was going to go for. A new model. One of the cheaper ones, that I thought would be within my budget. I had done a fair bit of reading on it (God bless the Internet, where all this can happen in one afternoon/evening), read opinions from dozens of other satisfied buyers.

I also decided that buying online would be the way to go. Confession: I have an extremely strong case of car-dealer-phobia. Maybe I've just bought into the sleaze bag stereotype. I dunno. If so, the dealers themselves have had no small part in reinforcing it. It is UTTERLY beyond me how ANY sane person can watch one of those Dealin Doug commercials, and then decide, "I'm going to go out and buy a car from this guy today!" I mean, talk about perpetrating the scum bag image! This is a market targeted at adults, is it not? One wonders.

So anyway, I read some good things about it from several sources, and trek over to carorder.com. Nice web site. Very cool. CGI interface to get what you want. Yadda yadda yadda.

So then there's the financing, which I've also done my net.research on, and decided to try carfinance.com. And NOW: you guessed it. All the years I've made a policy to redirect every piece of snail mail credit card spam to /dev/trash come back to fuck me. DENIED.

"Sorry. You lose. We don't give a shit that what you're asking for is WELL within your income to repay in a timely manner. We don't care if you're financially responsible. And we don't care how much you need or want this, cause to US, you're just one more in a line of thousands of morons whose minds we like to fuck with. Better luck next time."

Obviously, that wasn't the actual wording (duh!), but it might as well have been.

Oh well. At least I tried. And I ain't done trying either. It's just a bummer when the place that gets recommended left and right decides you aren't worth their time. Sucks.

So, the temptation is to get all defeatist about it, and think "the world is out to screw me over." Of course, the reality is, they've got their objective standards. One look at my history (or lack thereof), and say "Nope."

At the end of the day, the best you can really do is say, "I did the best I could. I grasped for as much as I could reach. I lept as I as high as possible. And sometimes, I fall. Tomorrow, I'll get back up, and do it all again."

Tomorrow, I'll get back up, and do it all again.