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Attenntion: Anyone who knows Madonna or has the power to be in her presence in person. LET HER KNOW ABOUT THIS WEB PAGE. And I don't want you to just print it out, photocopy it, pass it on to someone else who knows her, have them photocopy it, and give her one of the copies along with a huge stack of fan mail. I want you to sit her down in front of a computer, teach her how to use a mouse if she doesn't know how already, and get this web page in front of her. If she says she can't afford a computer, tell her she can borrow mine as long as she promises she will use it to read every word expressed in this page. If necessary, I'll mail it overnight express to anywhere in the world where she happens to be. She doesn't even have to mail it back unless she feels compelled to. You understand what I'm trying to say here, right? MAKE SURE SHE SEES IT DIRECTLY. Oh, and also make sure that after she does see it, she gives YOU a big reward for making this world a better place for me. Thank you for your support.
Oh yes, a couple of other things. Make sure she uses a good browser like Netscape or Microsoft Internet Explorer. Without them, much of the artistic and dramatic effect of this page would be lost. Also, it doesn't matter who you are. Even if you're the girl (or guy) that massages her back, I want you to tell her this. And don't let her blame you for any of it, because it's me that's causing it to happen. She can express her anger to me, and if she tries to take it out on you, let her know you're not going to take it anymore. I guarantee that if you do this, you'll feel better about yourself in the long run. That's all. Good luck.