2/14/96
Well, you just heard me say I'd be happy to live the rest of my life in an endless delusion, oblivious to the real world around me. Well, this isn't quite true, otherwise I wouldn't bother writing this. Don't get me wrong, my mind would be quite satisfied to be the fulfiller of its own desires until the end of time. The reason I feel the need to make these fantasies into a reality is to prove my sanity to the world. That's right, I don't just care about myself. I care about helping the rest of the world too, because it satisfies a part of myself when other people are better off. It's just human nature.
Nobody I have told about this yet has had the slightest belief that I will actually father Madonna's child. My mind is fertile enough to make up a thousand stories to entertain itself in this notion, so why should I go up against all this opposition and make the dream real? Because rejection is the greatest aphrodisiac, of course! Overcoming other people's misconceptions is a way of getting revenge on the world, and on my parents. (All you psychologists, psychotherapists, and psychoanalysts should love trying to ponder that one) And even more than the world represents my parents, Madonna represents my parents. Not, the evil, cold, mean-spirited bastards I know as my parents now, (I didn't really mean that. I hope they don't read this.) but the people I remember growing up with when I was an infant, when I believed that everything in them was perfect. Madonna represents their perfected side, and hence my attraction to her.
Well, Madonna, I don't know how much you know about psychology. (My hunch is a lot. But I'll bet your training was informal, as mine was.) I hope you got all that and take it into consideration in your world-wide quest for a father. Just think, wouldn't it be great to have someone who knows what's inside the child's mind, can see what she is thinking, and is able and loving enough to meet her needs perfectly? Think about it...