3/17/96
Madonna, your damsel in distress is calling you.
I'm sick of writing these dumb articles. They don't make any sense, and even if they do, I don't want to write anymore. I want to love. Come on. Here goes a shameless plea:
help me... help me... help me.. come quick... before this horrible beast called my word processor kills me... come on, madonna... i can't even use good grammer or spell rightly i want you i want your tender body i want all of you come in shining armor or a shining dress would work for me you're killing me by ignoring me come on, you know you want to touch my body i'll stay celebate for you then i'll be able to give you all my love i'm saving it for you don't you want it all i'll stop masterbating if you order me to i don't know how i'll do it but i'll find a way come on i want to lure you
Alright everybody. This has been another live demonstration. (Aren't you getting sick of these pathetic displays? I don't know why I keep doing them) This is the kind of behavior Madonna encourages. Don't believe me? Listen to what she tells her dancer in Truth or Dare:
"When you go home, have no sex. Call me collect everyday. Build a temple in your home and worship it daily."
Something like that. I hope I'm not misquoting too terribly. This is what people like me do. This is what the Catholic church has wanted people to do for the longest time. Don't they encourage celebacy? Don't they discourage masterbation? Don't they want everyone to be so desparate for sex that people will do whatever the church says so the priest will fuck them? You know it's true. Madonna is a true blue Catholic, with one exception: she practices and actively encourages what she preaches.
The Catholic church doesn't honestly believe that people would go through their entire lives without fucking. They just want people to think that they shouldn't fuck, so they can always make everyone feel ashamed. Madonna proves that what they say can be done. No, she doesn't practice celebacy herself, she makes me do it. I think I'd honestly be willing to go celebate for at least several years for the promise of a fuck with her after it's over. Am I an idiot? Yes. I think I'd enjoy one fuck with her more than I'd enjoy a thousand with other people. I may just be kidding myself. I don't know.
Whether she knows it or not, she is advocating Catholic doctrine to the letter. Heck, I'd convert if I thought that's what I had to do to get close to her. I think she would accept me for my religion if she was going to accept me at all. If she's going to turn me away, it's not going to be because I practice a different faith. (or lack thereof)
Actually, I think what she does regarding celebacy is very honorable, especially in the early years. When the whole world wanted to make fun of junior high girls for being virgins, she dedicated an album to the virgins of the world, like saying "It's ok to keep your virginity for a while." Yep. Her message is very Christian, very Religous Right.
Not only did the world (in particular the horny boys) want to make fun of its junior high virgions, it made fun of its sluts. Did the Catholic establishment care? Nah. They wanted all the girls to grow up and feel ashamed of themselves, so they didn't chide boys for calling girls virgins or sluts. So, a girl gets made fun of for being a virgin. She gets so sick of the ridicule that she goes and fucks a desparate guy just so she can say she's part of the group. Guess what happens next?
She gets called a whore, a prostitute, A SLUT. Does that Catholic church try to do anything to stop this labelling? Why would they want to? They want the girls to come and buy confessions from priests, and maybe the priests will give them a little extra forgiveness for a blow job or two. Sound sick? It's only the Catholic church, the one that made Madonna who she is.
So guess what she gets called when she tells the virgins it's okay to go be virgins? A SLUT! What do you know? The media can sometimes be so predictable. BTW, the media wants girls to feel ashamed of their sexuality just as much as the Catholic church. That way, they'll have more poor little actresses to put on the weekly edition of 60 Minutes. Madonna is a smart slut. She knows that you don't fuck with the media or the church. Trying to deny what they say will only make you appear more guilty.
So she doesn't deny it at all. She tells all her fans that she is a slut. She wears a slut's clothing. She sells a slut's clothing to the virgins. The virgins wear the slut's attire with pride. They encourage each other in their virginity while acting like a bunch of Madonna look-alike sluts. Brilliant!
Who's the virgin and who's a slut? Nobody can figure it out. Nobody is supposed to. Sexuality is and should be a private matter. The whole world should not be able to know who has had sex with who. So Madonna and her fans kept everyone fooled. She had the media fooled into thinking she was really a slut. She had her fans fooled into thinking she was like a virgin. Her fans had all the boys mystified. Eventually, when the girls were old and mature enough to being expressing their sexuality in a more honest way, they began to give in to the pressure to have sex, which is also healthy once you reach a mature age. (This varies with the individual)
They stopped dressing like Madonna, and discovered their own ways to decorate themselves. We get a strong, healthy Generation X. But the old foggies don't stop. They try to make us believe Madonna is and always was a trickster and a money grubber. We believe them, and Madonna doesn't try to stop us. She's made her fortune. She doesn't need any more money from poor teenagers.
It's not over, though. We've got political leaders trying to portray us as a violent, unstable, media-sick culture. Now, when they call us that what do we do? What did Madonna do when they called her a slut? That's right!
We, Generation X, are pop culture junkies. (Ok, maybe the rest of you aren't. I'll speak for myself only.) I am a media junkie. I watch violent movies that make Bob Dole cringe. I like violent movies that make Bob Dole cringe. I hate the establishment. (Isn't that what the establishment says about Generation X'ers?) I am an Internet addict. I am afraid to tell you all how big my monthly Internet bill is, because I'll die of shame if anyone knows. I have the power of the Holy Spirit. That is, I can stimulate women without ever entering their physical presence. I am sacriligous. I never read my Bible. I didn't listen to any of the sermons I heard in church. I am delusional. I act delusional. I write delusional. I actually believe that Madonna will see this, despite her busy schedule which includes finding a "real man" to father her child. I am spoiled. I am unappreciative of all the good things I have. I am a material guy. Madonna's gonna have to impress me with more than a few hugs and kisses if she wants me to stay with her. She's gonna have to buy me a lifetime Internet account. I don't really care about money, I just want my Internet. I'll never log onto The Net again if Sandra Bullock will do a threesome with me and Madonna. (That may be the hardest promise to keep.) I am a horny geek. I am whatever the establishment says I am. I am a mind-numbed robot, a dittohead. I have no belief system that I can call my own. I am a good person. I am fun to be with. I am a Stuart Smalley imitator. I am a media imitator. I have no soul. I am a recovering something-or-other. I have no higher power. I am a hater of the religous right. I am a hater of the liberal left. I am a hater of myself. I don't know the real me.
There, can you figure out what I am? Good. If we can keep 'em confused long enough, I'll start getting mature and ready to become either a virgin or a slut. I think I'll write some more articles now. It's getting fun again. :)