3/8/96
Alright everybody, take three guesses as to what Madonna will do when she reads my last article. Quickly, otherwise I'll tell you before you have a chance to think about it. Of course, she's going to be rolling around the floor in laughter! Why would she do such a thing after I have insulted her in such a crude manner? After I have bursted her bubble, flattened her ego, and made her look like a total fool. Yep. She'll be laughing alright. Why? Because in the past, she's almost always had to do this herself. Warren Beatty tried unsuccessfully in Truth or Dare to make her look like an idiot when she dragged cameras around everywhere she went.
Will my silly attempt to pop her big bubble really have a measurable effect on what she does? Doubtful. She's doing what she loves to do, and she's not going to stop doing it just because I or anyone else throw a few insults her way. It will, I strongly believe, give her something to laugh about, and that's good enough for me. Although that's not all that's going to happen. Ha, ha, ha. Reporters, fans, and others are going to start asking her though questions about what she thinks of these things, and she's going to have to either give a direct answer or make herself look like even more of an idiot. I'm not sure what she'll do. When it happens, it'll be my turn to laugh. Let's see how well she can equivocate on these issues... I bet she'll do it, but she'll make everybody think she's made The Definitive Statement about everything, and everyone will go around arguing about what she really meant by it.
So, what's the point of her being so evasive? Well, for one thing, it's really a hoot. I've made plenty of political statements in this page. So, what am I? A liberal or a conservative? You figure it out. And while you're at it, see if you can crack the mystery behind Madonna's ambiguous sexual orientation. And if you really like unsolvable puzzles, consider that she probably talks about sexual orientation more than anybody else who has a celebrity status, but whose sexuality is more of a mystery than hers?
There. That should give you plenty to think about for now. I'm gonna go watch Truth or Dare yet another time while I ponder these and other perplexing questions.