April 30, 2006
I'm sorry. I don't have the will to do this right now. I don't have the knowledge or the energy to write whatever it is that needs to be written. I don't know what "you" -- whoever "you" are that is reading this -- need to hear.
Lately, it seems as if we've all just sort of spun off into our own private little illusory worlds, myself included. Be they heaven or hell, the realities we inhabit seem to bear little resemblence even to those of people with whom we spend a significant portion of our time in close physical proximity.
I don't know what's truth and what's bullshit. I'm not talking about abstract theological concepts like the existence of God or the origin of the universe either. I'm talking about here and now. This world, the people in it. I just don't know. The government and its intentions, ill or good, Iran, and all that other bullshit. My friends, or people I like to think of as friends -- I don't know them either. Social institutions, beloved or despised; I don't know their true nature. No matter what I write, I am yet another shit-spewing idiot who knows not of what he says.
I've been trying to know myself, but that's really damn hard too. I've also been trying to love myself. My current guru says that this is the most difficult challenge of all.
I cannot be your guide. I cannot provide your entertainment. I don't know what you need to do. I don't know who you are, or what you are about. Go find your own way. I'm tired of playing these silly roles. Sometimes, the world needs to be made anew.
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