Bitscape

Wednesday, April 26

Photojournal

[12/29/06 Ed Note: Red Dark Grey areas were visible when this page was initially published, but later censored from obvious view due to increased public promotion of this site. Now they are being brought back to visibility, indicated by the dark red on grey color.]

The past couple weeks of my life have been very eventful. Rather than words, I'll present a few photos I took amidst the hubbub. They do not tell the whole story, but provide clues, hints, and triggers for my own recollection of experiences that might otherwise slip away amidst the den of everyday life.


I don't work at this gas station, but if you look closely, you can see the sign for my other workplace in the distance.

April 15, Saturday morning / early afternoon:













Something dies every day:



Saturday, April 22:

Indian Center community garden, where crops will be grown for the Food Bank.

Earth Day (April 23), Church Grounds Cleanup



There's a story behind this, but I'm not going to go into detail about it here. Suffice it to say that I've spent a silly amount of time during the past several days playing with audio editing software, finding out how many samples a cd track is allowed to have without triggering the dreaded zero-padding, and... well... probably all so I can go make a damn fool of myself tomorrow. But at least I'm having fun. That's what counts.


Tonight's supper. Yum.

But in addition, there is another aspect of my personal life which has come to prominence recently. I have no photos to show for it. I have also been hesitant to talk or write about it publicly, for fear that certain relatives might find out and/or other people I know might think less of me. But I cannot hold my tongue forever, especially on this website.

I consider myself extremely lucky that this woman (1) lives in the same town that I do, and (2) has seen fit to bestow her graces upon me. She is 100% for real. A true healer, walking the sacred path. This I say from first-hand experience.

I find my own dharma expressed in the following quote, taken from her website.

I must practice devotion to women
Until I realize the essence of enlightenment

He should continuously worship Vajrayoginî
With flowers incense, and clothes and
Honor her with speeches and ornate expressions,
With palms pressed together.
He should gaze, touch and contemplate her
And behave consistently with his speech.
Kissing and embracing, he should always worship Vajrayoginî,
Physically if he can, or mentally and verbally if he cannot.
The aspirant who satisfies me wins the supreme attainment.
I am identical to the bodies of all women, and
There is no way that I can be worshiped
Except by the worship of women.

-Excerpt from the Candamahârosana-tantra

One other item of note... Beginning in May, I will start my training as a floor manager at Open Harvest. They wanted to start me next Tuesday, but having just made an appointement with the person mentioned above (we'll call it a therapy session), I said I would be unable to make it that day, but the following week, I am available. So it will be.

Oddly enough, as of right now, I'm not even sure I like this oncoming change. As of yesterday, I had contented myself with the assumption that I had been passed over for the position because my stated hours of availability were less than ideal from management's perspective. So be it, I thought. I don't want it that badly anyway.

But then, last night, when J came and told me he really needed somebody to floor manage on Tuesdays, and asked if I would be able to do it, I responded with an immediate yes. (Provided, of course, that I start after next week.) After all, I had formally applied for the job, and he was giving me a schedule very close to what I had wanted.

So why now this feeling of reticense on my part? Maybe because it feels like every time things have started to settle into an almost-comfortable pattern, something else comes along to shake it all up.

Or maybe it has to do with my own mounting doubts about the organization, stirred further by some of T's comments the last time we met; she had even more critical things to say when we last talked outside the workplace than in some of our previous discussions about the situation. (After many months of planning, she has finally quit her job, and will be leaving Lincoln to pursue her dreams.)

In any case, my path continues here for the time being. And now I must sleep soon, so as to be ready for another big day tomorrow.

Earlier...

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