Thursday, April 13
8pm
As I think over the events of the past week -- 7 days ago up until the past few minutes, I realize that my life has been utterly filled with momentous events. To recap:
Thursday, April 6. 1 week ago. Community CROPS orientation meeting, where I learned more about the program, met a bunch of the other volunteers, and got things moving.
Last Saturday night, I was privileged enough to be in attendance at Lincoln's first Gnostic Mass. This ritual was from the Thelemic tradition, celebrating the dawn of life in metaphor, poetry, and pantomime. We took communion, and learned from the traveling couple who had journied all the way from Berkeley, California to conduct the ceremony.
During Sunday morning's church service, the pastor's sermon focused on the topic of young adult spirituality. Earlier in the week, he had sent out invitations to those few members in my age range (our church has way too few of us twenty-somethings, in my opinion) requesting that we meet with him to discuss the spiritual challenges and opportunities of young adulthood. I regretfully responded that due to all my other goings-on, I would be unable to meet with him at the requested time, but in lieu of that, I composed a few thoughts about my own spiritual issues and sent them to him in an email. To my semi-surprise, he actually read several paragraphs of it verbatim from the pulpit, along with relaying thoughts several other young-ish people had shared with him. Of course, he didn't reveal any names. But it was kind of surreal to hear what essentially amounted to my own ramblings quoted to the congregation.
As of Sunday night, the Penguinista Palace has a brand new working gas stove! Kudos to my new landlord.
Monday night, I sent out an earnest prayer borne of pain and longing. Tuesday morning, an answer came. The subset of readers with logins to Yanthor's site will know the subject, as I wrote about it in detail there. On this site, where everything I write can currently be read by the general public, I'm going to be far less specific. Not so much because it's a huge secret, but more because I no longer find as much need to broadcast every intimate detail about my personal life to the whole world. (And yeah, there is also a small chance that a few certain people I know -- with whom I would not want such details shared -- could occassionally visit here. So I'm playing it more or less safe there.) Anyway, I'm excited and filled with anticipation, as well as gratitude. Next Tuesday promises to be a very big day for me.
Today, I turned in an application to become a floor manager trainee at Open Harvest. I again spoke briefly with the front-end manager about the position. I hope I did not make a tactical error. While there is a large part of me that does want to increase my involvement in the organization, and becoming a floor manager seems like a most logical next step on that path, there are certain things I am very hesitant to sacrifice. One of them is my other job. The other is my allocation of free time, some of which now usually occurs on weekends.
When I handed in my application, he said he was glad I applied, then reasonably asked, "So what days do you work at your other job?" I replied that I am now down to working two days a week there: Fridays and Saturdays.
"What about Sundays?"
"Well, I'm not normally scheduled to work Sundays, but I do frequently have other things going on. I might occassionally be willing to do a Sunday shift, but I'd rather it not be a part of my regular schedule." (On the application form, I had indicated myself as being unavailable Friday through Sunday.)
The fact that he would like to find somebody to fill a Sunday floor manager shift doesn't surprise me. It's also understandable that a person new to the position with the least seniority would be a most likely candidate for such a shift. But dammit, I worked weekends for months at my other job, and having finally reached the point on that seniority ladder where I can have Sundays off. I like Open Harvest, and I want to advance there, but it's not so important that I'm willing to discard or displace many of the other things I've got going on in my life.
Assuming Sundays are off the table, and I continue in my stocking duties, that leaves Tuesdays (if it can be worked around my Tuesday night bulk stocking shift) and Wednesdays. And honestly, it is nice to have one full day off in the middle of the week too. (Given that I do still typically work Saturdays at the other job.)
I'm almost inclined to simply say I withdraw the application entirely, and continue with my present schedule, but I think that would be bad form at this point. Since I did specify myself as being unavailable on Sundays, I think I'll just hold to that, and if they really need a person to work Sundays all the time, I'll politely reply if that's the case, maybe someone else would be a better fit for the position at this point.
Hmm, I think I just clarified things for myself. I'm glad I sat down to write this, because it allowed me to develop a better awareness of my own boundries.
The other possibility might be to give up some of my Open Harvest stocking hours. (And yeah, this might seem funny, but in a practical sense, my stocking job at Open Harvest could almost be treated as as a separate job from floor managing or cashiering there, since they are technically under different departments, with different managers, each coordinating separate schedules, etc.) Should that eventuality come up, maybe it would be beneficial for all three of us to sit together in a room and figure something out. In fact, I might even suggest it.
So anyway, in retrospect, I still believe that turning in the application was the right thing to do, even if I do sometimes manage to spook myself with the occassional tendency to step out on a limb without being sure where my feet will land.
(On top of that, add the possibility that I might also soon be getting another "job" of sorts, where I would not be paid in currency at all, but a completely different and far more valuable form of payment. (See previous bullet point. Life is so wacky.) Beyond that, there will be more volunteering events coming up with Community CROPS, in which I would like to participate. I guess it sometimes feels as if I've got my hands in so many pies that I wonder how I'll be able to keep juggling them all. But it always does work out, somehow.)
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This evening at twilight, while I was wandering around outside, I met one of my other neighbors for the first time. He was about to put a tomato plant in the ground outside our building. The synchronicity of this was just beautiful, because earlier today, I was talking with L at Open Harvest about gardening (she's totally getting into it too), and she asked me whether I am allowed to plant a garden on the ground around outside my building. I replied that I really don't know if it would be permitted or not. It seemed kind of doubtful, but then again, I'm kind of in a unique situation, as the landlord around here does very little meddling, and mostly lets the tenants run things. (Though he does step up and help when something serious needs replacing, such as a stove. I like this kind of landlord. Yet another way in which I have had incredibly good luck lately.)
Well anyway, I got into a little conversation with this downstairs neighbor about his gardening habits. I asked him if he thought there would be any problem with me planting some stuff outside too. He said, "Sure, go right ahead. I'm probably not going to be doing much with this area this year, so you'd be welcome to plant anything you want."
Well that just made my day. Next time I have a few free daytime hours, I think I will run down to Open Harvest, buy some of those little seed packages we were admiring this morning, and try planting them.
This whole thing just keeps getting better and better.
Another tiny little anecdote to relate from a little earlier, just moments before I ran into the above-mentioned neighbor....
Sometimes, there comes a moment when I just realize that somehow, no matter what, everything is going to be alright. In fact, not just alright, but beautiful and wonderful. Tonight, it happened while while I was sitting outside on the ground munching a carrot, feeling the soft breeze, and watching the sunset. The hypnotic power of rap music, playing from a parked car down the block, drifted through the air, serenading my spirit, and I swayed to its energy. Slowly, I stood and walked; into the street, down the sidewalk, past the neighbor children who were playing in the grass.
A couple of older teenagers (perhaps parents of the smaller children, perhaps not) stood and leaned against the car that was emitting the music, sipping on beer. I walked past them in time to the sound. Several of the smaller kids looked at me curiously.
One little girl walked in front of me and spoke. "What'cha doing with that carrot?"
I simply said, "Eatin it." On the spur of the moment, I took one of my other carrots that I hadn't yet bitten into, broke off a piece, and said, "Want some?"
I handed it to the little girl; she smiled, took it, and ran back in the direction of the semi-adults at the car. I didn't turn around to see what she did with it, or what their reaction was. I simply walked on, letting each new perfect moment hit me as it willed. This is peace. This is freedom. Life is good.
The spirit awakens. The Goddess is alive. Magic happens.
