Despite my ability to outwardly project an image of calmness, competence, and togetherness (so far), I can no longer doubt that inwardly, over the past few days, I have entered the "warning zone", exhibiting initial symptoms of what medical scientists would call a manic episode; the product of bipolar mental illness.

What follows may be an attempt to work out a strategy to deal with this before I cause serious damage to myself and others, or it may be nonsense. I don't know.

My life has entered another focal point. That much is clear. Much good may (and has) come of this, but if I'm not careful, it could all come crumbling down, and I could hurt myself as well as others. My mental powers (and thus the ability to do good, as well as inflict damage) are the highest they've been since the beginning of 2005.

Yesterday, I experienced the bliss. Right now, I can feel the taint creeping in. The dark (or inverted) aspect of an imagined Pop Culture Tarot card. The darkness sends me a self-fulfilling prophesy telling me I cannot handle everything I have taken on, that I will crash horribly, and all the lovely, delicate sculptures I've spent so much time shaping will fall to the ground and shatter.

This is all a fiction. A made up story. It is the product of mind. Just as the bliss, too, was a product of mind.

No need to panic just now. Let calm and compassion possess me.

[Tori Amos - Icicle]

Let it go. Mourn the death of the fantasy, and let it pass. Accept the reality. Know that both fantasy and reality are also constructions of mind. Let go of attachment to these notions. Let go of attachment to sanity. This requires trust. Trust in myself enough to recognize that I cannot keep myself sane, and trying desperately to hold onto sanity will only accelerate my sinking.

Thank you anyone who partakes in this sharing of mind. Thank you, world, for these blessings.

I will now descend. When I wake up tomorrow, I might be a completely different person.

Into thy hands I commend my spirit.