Today: Church in the morning, work in the afternoon, Full Moon Circle in the evening, and finally, refocusing to find my center before I return to the familiar realm of subterranean mind a few moments hence.

Church was a Veterans Day service, given to honer those who served as soldiers; it also led us to reflect on America's wars of the past. It was most touching when they had the congregation call out names of any veterans they knew, and wanted to honor in the ritual. Also, I enjoyed the sermon, given by a woman who was working on a novel about the WWI era; she read a couple passages out of her budding work.

Work was... well, work. I went in a bit early so I would have an excuse (however flimsy) to leave early. One coworker at the station (an older man) was able to recommend a local mechanic shop which he said was excellent and affordable -- I've decided that I'll go that route in the car-fixing department, instead of attempting to rely on my other shifty coworker whose ability, while greater than mine, may still be questionable, and whose trustworthiness is always a matter of some doubt.

After getting all my duties done, I ran back home, changed clothes, and pedaled back to the church to attend the Full Moon Circle.

Tonight's casting was powerful for me. Much brighter and more upbeat than the samhain stuff last month. I think this one had a greater effect for me personally, because this time I actually put myself on the line enough to stand up, participate, and share something real about my life as I stood before the altar in the center of the assembled group.

Near the end of the ritual, the group performed a channelling exercise, led by the high priest, in which we absorbed the four elements of air, earth, fire, and water, combined them together, and balanced them within our heart chakras. I could literally feel the energies flowing through my body as we did it. Group casting is powerful stuff!

Also, I think part of it also had to do with the fact that I was positioned directly adjacent to someone I sensed to be a very powerful witch. She was an older woman -- I have never talked to her personally -- but her presence had a force all its own. As we were casting the circle to start, some of her energy radiated in my direction, proving contagious, which caused me to intensify the energy I was able to direct into the casting. As I said before.... Group casting, powerful stuff.

A tradition amongst this group is that after the ceremony, many of them go to Village Inn to eat and socialize. It's such a regular thing that even though no formal reservations are ever made, the Village Inn staff has learned to expect them, and pushes together a bunch of tables in the middle of the restaurant so the group can all sit in the same place.

Last month, I had opted to go home instead of joining them for that part. This time, invigorated by the ritual, and wanting to get to know other members of the group better, I decided to try the Village Inn thing. The one they go to is a good distance away, so since most would be traveling by car, I hopped on my bike immediately, without lingering at the church, and pedaled over. As it turned out, I was among the first to arrive.

Though I'm not going to say the entire time in the restaurant was without merit, I doubt I'll be taking part in that aspect of it again. For one thing, the food, in addition to being expensive, put my stomach in a rather ill mood. Beyond that, I found most of the social interaction to be forced and awkward on my part. Maybe that could change as I get to know people better -- they are friendly; it's just kind of difficult when everybody at the table seems to know everybody else so well, and here sits me, trying to follow it all.

I did have a good conversation with the High Priestess (a woman I have always experienced as being very kind and gracious); she was sitting directly to the right of me at the table. I also learned some neat tidbits from one of the students of the Order, who happened to be sitting to my left.

As I biked back toward the Base though, I felt rather wretched about the tension that had seemed to plague the entire dinner thing, and wished I had just gone straight home after the casting ceremony. With time and contemplation, I was able to frame it with a more meaningful understanding: I tried the entire experience, so now I know which parts work best for me, and which ones don't, so next time I won't have to wonder what I might be missing.

I was thinking I would also do some shamata meditation before bed, but now that I've gotten this rambling nearly done, my eyes are so droopy, I'm not sure I'm going to make it. (This is caused, at least to some extent, by the cocktail of chemicals I fed into my bloodstream upon arriving home with that exact purpose in mind.)

Maybe just a brief, 10 minute meditation period, so I can find my mind in the present before I leave it to wander below. That sounds good.

Also, regarding mental stability: Though I don't classify myself as completely out of the woods, the worst of the danger zone has passed. There is likely to be some stress ahead in the coming days, but I no longer feel as if I am near the edge of the cliff of chaos.

That's all now. Out.