I've been meaning to reply to several of the comments people made here over the past few days, but I keep procrastinating it. This happens every now and then. I have vague ideas about what I want to say, but putting the thoughts into words requires mental energy, especially if it is to come out in a coherent manner. And sometimes, I just don't feel like doing it. Sometimes I do. So I guess what I'm saying is, if my pattern of responding or not responding seems erratic, don't take it personally. I'm wierd that way.

In other news...

I made nutbars today. My second attempt. Ultimately, I think they turned out quite well. For a while, I was worried that I would end up with a big sticky (but still tasty) pile of crumbly goop.

After the first batch had been in the oven for over a half hour, still showing no signs of becoming any more cohesive, I gave up and just decided to dump it in a tupperware, and eat it with a fork. Since I still liked the roasted flavor, I decided to cook another batch in the oven even though I didn't expect the consistency to change much.

But then, a funny thing happened. When I came back about a half hour later to scoop some out, the stuff in the tupperware had coalesced together into a solid piece! This is the effect I had wanted in the first place.

I realized what I needed to do. Get the stuff hot (and maybe a little singed for flavor) in the oven, don't worry about its solidity, and dump it onto another flat surface, and wait for that to cool!

I did that with the next two batches, and was very pleased with the results. With cooling, the syrupy goo also solidified, making it easy to eat with fingers. Still sticky, but no worse than a typical candy bar. And tastier than ever!

What I used this time:

• walnuts, cut into tiny pieces.
• cashews, also cut up.
• almond slivers.
• raisins. (For some reason, the raisins Open Harvest carries are huge. (and utterly delicious) I mean, these are the biggest raisins I've ever seen. Coming from any other place, I'd think they had been genetically engineered for size. It just feels somehow wrong to cut them up, so they ended up being the largest distinct entities in the mix.)
• dates, chopped
• Maple syrup, grade B. (I discovered this not long ago in the refridgerated bulk section. Unlike the fancy bottled stuff, it's priced at a rate I feel okay paying.)
• Molasses, blackstrap. I used it again because it added such a yummy flavor last time, though this time I did so in smaller proportion. (Though I guess it was still enough to scare Yanthor away.)

Mix it all together, throw it in the oven for a while, take it out and let it cool. There's really not much more to it than that. And now I have two bags full of yummy bars for the trip this weekend.

(Ok, so it's probably far, far, far more than I'll need, given that I have made the 7-hour trip many times without ingesting a single bite along the way. And when I get there, there will probably be parents, friends, and others eager to feed me at every moment. And then there's the fact that Yanthor and Anya were talking about planning to stop midway through the trip to get something resembling food at a one of the grease joints.)

Alright, I admit I just made them for the hell of it. I just like to cook up insane amounts of food. Two days before the journey, I've also still got a big pot of chili. Maybe I'll drag that along to Colorado too. Crazy, aren't I?

[topic switchback]

Aside from replying to people's comments, there's also a growing pile of articles on other sites I've been meaning to link to over the past couple weeks. But I want to do more than just say, "link, quote-from-article, here it is." I want to add in my own thoughts about how it relates to my journey, or commentary on the impact to other areas of life, etc.

But again, doing this requires mental energy. Focus. And sometimes, the type of focus required for that just isn't there, or I'm not willing to expend whatever is necessary to get myself there. So it wanes.

Backing up though, here's one I've had in my mental queue for a while. The topic is power.

The truth about power is that it's already right there in front of you. You are born with all the authority you could ever need. You have way more power than you can ever use.

and I can hear all the little bitches whining already.... but I don't feel powerful..whinewhinewhine...

Yeah exactly. EXACTLY. You don't FEEL powerful. Why the fuck do you think that is? Do you think they raise robot slaves and obedient servants to feel powerful? Of course they fucking don't, asshole. Go banish some more and shut the fuck up. Come back when you're ready to pull your head out of your ass.

Nothing you see, or read or experience is going to make you powerful. There is nothing contained in these words. There is nothing contained in any words, anywhere. It is in you right now. It doesn't come from people either. You are either a master, a mistress, or a slave. You are either one of those people who is waiting for someone to tell them what to do or you are not. It's digital. On or off. Get with the fucking program or go home.

Still not simple enough? Do you suppose that these powerful people have something going for them you do not? Do you suppose there is some real difference between you and the politician, the rock star, the millionaire, the prophet? Did somebody infuse Martin Luther King Jr. with his authority, or did he just do it? Did someone give Jim Morrison his magnetic serpent power, or did he just step forth and get it?

Really. Really. STOP thinking. For once in your life stop thinking and understand this. Nobody has any power over you that you did not give them. The book didn't do it, the law didn't do it, your parents and siblings didn't do it. YOU did it. And you can do it again. You can do it whenever you want. You can say or do or have anything you want. Humans are the only creatures in nature pathetic enough to try and justify our own existance. You're alive, there is nothing to justify.

Hmmm, maybe I don't really have anything to add to this one. Just be what you are, and don't worry about it. I like the message. Uttered in a very pumped up manner.

I'm getting up early for work tomorrow, so I'll hopefully be getting some sleep soon. Nighty night.