Gallons: 10.702
Price/Gal: $2.629
Fuel Sale: $28.14

Not too bad, really. Next time Tobias gets refilled, I'm sure the bill will be well over $30.

When I read the word "New Orleans", the first thought that came to my mind was, "How's Sarah-Katherine?" (Since I don't personally know anyone out there, someone whose blog I read religiously fills the space.) She's safe, but her possessions might not be so fortunate, depending on what happens.

I've been contemplating the short term economic implications of slowly increasing gas prices. Obviously, it will drive inflation up as everything that relies on gas necessarily becomes more expensive. But here's the tricky part: If people have less money to spend because they're using it for gas (still a daily necessity for most), then that could actually counter the inflation somewhat, because prices would have to stay down in order for anyone to afford anything. But if so, that means even less money to go into the pockets of the producers, causing a spiral effect. Welcome to the long recession.

The other day, a woman came into the station and bought cigarettes. As she was paying for them -- expensive little things -- she expressed frustration at the price, and then stopped and commented. "I don't even know why I work anymore, when all the money goes to put my kids in daycare, buy gas, and kill myself." (Looking at the cigarettes as she said the last part.)

I was in agreement. "Yeah, it's something to think about." I wish I could have summoned the wisdom to think of something more to say. She was obviously feeling pretty low. Inside, there was actually a part of me that was happy about it, not because of her misery, but because I was thinking, Yes, here's somebody who's starting to wake up! Another dropout in the making.

The past few days, almost every time before I go to work, I've been reading little bits out of the Dalai Lama's book about the Art of Happiness at Work that Yanthor gave me. I've come to the realization that my job is indeed quite challenging! I like to think of it as an exercise in learning to practice compassion. Rather than seeing customers and thinking, "Oh great, here comes that statistically challenged moron who always wastes his money on five lottery tickets and those disgusting smokes," I try to see if I can picture the world through their eyes. Sometimes, this really is a challenge.

I don't know exactly how long I'm going to be here in Lincoln, doing what I'm doing now, living as I am. I have to believe that when the time to move on is right, I'll know it. My intuition will tell me.

There's a part of me that dreams of moving to the coast. I've told myself that I don't want to be stuck in the middle of Red State Hell when "The Crash" hits. Then I remind myself that the Slow Crash is already well underway, and here I am. And it's not all so bad, really. I'm finding more community with each passing week. The more I seek, the more I find. Lincoln may be far from the center of avant garde cultural movements or eco-consciousness, but there are good people here. The city is easily bike-navigable, and for every basic need I've had, I've found a source to provide. (Ok, so I have yet to find a halfway decent dance club, but that's not of paramount importance right now anyway.)

I've also continued to harbor thoughts of joining an eco-village. Something like this, for example. But I know that's not right for me; not just yet at least. Don't ask me how I know. Call it a sixth sense. If it fails me, and the lifeboats have all left by the time I come to the realization, so be it. Darwin strikes again.

My Focus: Building strength; spiritual, physical, and mental. Eat high quality, life-giving foods; build the immune system, but avoid turning it into a puritanical absolutist drudgery. Balance. Strive to build spiritual awareness; relax and calm, but not fall into a morbid lethargy. Stay sane, but go insane at the same time.

It's all double-binds. They trap us. Alan Watts talks about this. The Zen Master ties the binds so tight that the student learns to break them, and in so doing, defies the master. But that was the master's intent all along. A great paradox. Free the mind by teaching it that the very concept of freedom is false.

That's enough for tonight. Time to slow down, and let myself go. Goodbye.