Here's the deal: I'm sick of living with my parents. I'm sick of having no money, and watching the credit card balance creep gradually up. (No interest to pay until next year, but still... it's bad.) I'm sick of this rut that I feel like I've been in for, like, ever.

The straw that broke the camel's back came this morning when my dad, for the Nth time in the past couple weeks, iterated through the ritual nagging process. He suggested that if I can't find the motivation to go out and find a job, maybe I should go see this wonderful doctor that mom found. Or go finish my degree. Or blah blah blah. Maybe I have a thyroid problem, and should go visit mom's great doctor. Repeate last sentence 5 times.

Bleah. The worst thing is that I know he's right, at least in a general sense. I've been slacking, and I need to get off my ass.

So anyway, today I picked up the pace on what I've been dawdling at for the past couple days: Cruising the web for job listings, tweaking my resume, and applying for tech jobs I might have a shot at.

I know these are pretty much shots in the dark, but it's better than... well, sitting around and feeling like there's no future.

And then there's the scott thing. x13. Scott's been trying to convince me to come back to work for him, which I guess I sort of already have been doing. Various odds and ends on that for the past few weeks. It's not a bad gig really, as long as I don't try to expect too much from it.

But I so want to get out of this hole, so want to get enough space from the parental units that it won't matter whether they think I'm fucking up or not. That means either I become a complete and total nomad, or I find a job with a steady enough income to be able to pay the rent. (Well, I guess there's also squatting, but I'm not sure I'm that bold.)

I tried the roadtrip thing. But it didn't take long before it just started to feel like I was wasting gas and getting nowhere. Yeah, somewhere on I-40, between Oklahoma and New Mexico in the middle of the Texas desert, where they have those idiotic paintings in gas stations depicting George Bush in the role of some sort of religious savior. Fuck you, fascist America.

Maybe some of the people I talked to are right. The best way to do it is with no car at all. I certainly admire some who have. But I guess at this point in my life, I'm just not that courageous. Which means I'm still dependent on the system to the degree required in order to keep the big hunk of metal, for better or worse.

So anyway, I have this daily choice. I can either resign myself to the ongoing drifting in despondent circles, or I can take the steps within my power to move on. Some days I do one, some days I do the other. Some days, I'm not even sure what the hell I'm doing.

This probably isn't news to anybody, but for someone with my skillset, the job situation in Colorado pretty much sucks.

So here's the deal: If there's a full-time job out there that will utilize my 1337 skillz offering me a decent deal, I don't care if I have to move across the country. (Or even to Canada, or "old Europe".) I'm ready to jump.

A third of my shit is packed into boxes already. I just need a place to go with it.

And if I get no responses? Well, then I guess I just keep hanging out here, doing odds and ends on x13, and biding my time, for whatever that's worth. Honestly, it ain't all that bad. Except for the parental nagging.

I guess there's also the possibility of lower paying (but full time) jobs -- if I could find one that pays a couple notches more than King Soopers did, I could eke by if I really wanted to. (Especially with my urban survival skills.)

I might also look into living in a group home, regardless of how the employment situation turns out... (cause it could be fun and interesting)

But one thing at a time.

So now that I've done my quota of resume-sending for today, I guess I'll see about writing some requested php functions.

[Against my better judgement, making this a public post, cause... well, I'm nuts.]

P.S. Changed my mind. Semi-public now. I might restrict it to friends only later.