We lived through harrowing, exhilarating moments when we did things we had always thought impossible, spitting in the face of all our apprehensions to kiss unapproachable beauties, drop banners from the tops of national monuments, drop out of colleges . . . and then gritted our teeth, expecting the world to end -- but it didn't!
I dream of producing agitprop that has even a fraction of the reach ond effectiveness of CrimethInc's brilliance. With that in mind, how 'bout a few links. Just little stuff I've been finding online today...
From one of the few remaining bastions of good journalism. A site known as Alternet:
Terrorism, Drugs, and You. Our government's lies become more blatent every day. When will the population wake up, and what will happen when The People -- en masse -- really decide to do something about it?
New York Protests -- The March to Irrelevance. A damn fine article. Everyone should really read the whole thing, but I'll quote the best paragraph:
The people who run this country are not afraid of much when it comes to the population, but there are a few things that do worry them. They are afraid we will stop working, afraid we will stop buying, and afraid we will break things. Interruption of commerce and any rattling of the cage of profit -- that is where this system is vulnerable. That means boycotts and strikes at the very least, and these things require vision, discipline and organization.
Etc, etc, etc...
...
Artist: Chiasm. Track: Disorder.
(from the album Disorder, available on COPInt records. NOT affiliated with the RIAA, last time
I checked. artist info. Holy crap,
now her stuff is on the australian server too! Some of it I haven't heard before.)
...and a little more...
music: Alanis Morissette - So-Called Chaos
Tue Sep 14 18:47:58 MDT 2004
Depression, quickly threatening. But that word is way too generic. A clumsy summary that stands in for a whole bevy of clogged emotional baggage.
I wish I had a friend to talk to, but I feel like I've already pretty much tapped out everybody I know. I've been sitting here most of the day, telling myself that I would work on "wrapping up" x13 (biggest misnomer ever), but instead, all I've done is surf the web, catch up on the massive quantities of content bloglines queued for me, posted a few of the links I found interesting here, and sometimes listened to bits of music.
You know what? It's after 6pm, and I feel like total shit. Guilt for not getting work done. Loneliness because nobody has yet responded to recent emails I've sent, or stuff I've posted online. Saddened and feeling utterly disempowered by all the crap in the news. (Wouldn't you know it -- George W's approval ratings are way up, despite the absolutely dismal job he's done as President, and the empty fluff of nonsense that comprised the Republican convension. Why America, Why?)
This is why telecommuting, convenient as it can be in certain regards, does not work for me. Now I'm torn between the idea of sticking around for a while longer to try to "make up" for what I didn't do this afternoon, or just saying "fuck it", ride away on my bike, sleep the night, and rinse and repeat some variation tomorrow morning.
(This was the same pattern that happened in July, which was part of why the launch was delayed, which, I'm sure, is also why scott quit paying me two months ago. Which is why I have to either find another job, or just say "fuck it" and go on the road for a while. Second paragraph in a row in which "fuck it" has appeared in quotes. It might be funny if I weren't so otherwise annoyed.)
Maybe I'll get down to business and at least email my contact in Wyoming about visiting in a couple weeks. Then, at least, perhaps this day isn't a total waste.
Maybe I know of one person I can call to. I just hate feeling so alone like this when I feel the need to talk to a human being who is capable of understanding me. (Those who meet the latter qualification seem to be precious few lately.) I have the phone number of one trusted person I can call who might have time to talk. Maybe even two numbers, if I stretch.
Or, I could just repeat my learned behavior patterns, deny that such a need is really all that urgent, and -- not wanting to trouble people unduly (especially those whose friendships I value most) -- I could crawl back into my little cave, eat a donut, and hope things feel better when I wake up again.
The jury is out, and so am I. Sorry to post such a downer. I hate writing from such a low emotional state. But this is where it is.
Artist: Jody Watley. Track: Friends.
Tue Sep 14 19:08:46 MDT 2004