Apprehensions
Started: Monday, August 16, 2004 22:21
Finished: Monday, August 16, 2004 23:22
In 3 days, I will head off to anarchist camp, better known as asr2004. With this realization, today I found myself wondering if I really do need to have my head examined. Doubts of the unknown crept around inside my head.
Do I really want to go to this? Drive hundreds of miles, spend several days away from civilization, hang out with people I've almost certainly never met? What if it ends up sucking? What if I find myself completely out of place? What if it's really cool, but I still don't fit in at all? What if I find myself unable to contribute in any meaningful way? What if, what if, what if....
Fears which harken back to the nightmares of grade school, where life was hostile, peers unforgiving, and I always seemed to find myself a few steps behind the beat. Irrational psychosis. Leave it behind.
Worst case? It could suck. I could waste a bunch of gas, find myself miserable for a few days, the bugs could bite me, the music could be not to my taste, I could feel just as alienated as ever, and then I could go back to life, such as it is, same as it ever was.
At the other end of the specturem, I could discover that I am right in my element, form a ton of new lasting friendships, every moment could be a blast; I might pick up new and useful skills, find others who are receptive to my ideas, and return to see that my life has been transformed in a positive direction with inspiration and wonder to meet the future.
The honest truth is that it will likely be something somewhere in between these two extremes. Looking at the preliminary schedule I received this evening, there is cause for optimism. The activities on the agenda certainly look fascinating. (Ok, so I might not personally find much use for the "DIY Menstrual Rag making workshop", but I'm sure some will benefit from it.)
I've started putting together my own preliminary list of goodies to bring.
I was thinking about writing a piece on Dropoutism vs Revolutionary Action tonight, and where I exist on that hypothetical continuum. Actually, I was going to write it last night. But in both instances, I find myself with thoughts still not fully coalesced enough to articulate. Perhaps later.
Meanwhile, I fend off the inner forces of depression and defeatism with each passing moment. I need to move on. Zap.
by chiptruth (2004-08-17 19:49)
so the idea is that anarchism is a philosophy, while not needing leaders is a place we get to by weaning oursleves from what we've had fed to us. for some it takes little time,for others it's a gradual process. i like doctor jung's ideas about archetypes of consciousness for this. i think the sincerest anarchists of the earth are the hearoes thatsociety is seeking: thatis reallly how i feel. i feellike i am doing my best,penguin.
so anyway this is chiptruth from the asr list! can i get a ride with you? i'll be bringing as muych food as i can carry and maybe a sleeping bag and my massage skills.
hey -- ihave some real radical thoughts aboutanarchism but i can sum it up in this way '' as soon as she says "my boyfriend' i am turned off and want little more todo with the people around them except as acquaintances. as a descnedant of slaves anarchism and it's basic percept of non- property or slavery and free wil especially in love relationships -- is the dividing and efining line be6tween anarchism and copouts and dilutions.
so whatdo you think?
i justjoined here now.
peace ben
mikal