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This is why I don't talk directly to clients

Started: Monday, December 8, 2003 17:07

Finished: Monday, December 8, 2003 17:13

This is so sad, it's funny. And so funny, it's sad.

Background: For the past few days, we've been dealing with a web design client (who shall, of course, go unnamed here) who keeps making all sorts of increasingly strange requests to scott. Yes, that's expected of clients. But this one takes the cake:

"Can you make the page paint itself all at once instead of piece by piece?"

If I were the one responding (which, thankfully, I am not): "Sure, just give us a few years to code up a nice new web browser just for you. Instead of rendering page elements on the fly as they load, we will make it render the entire page into an off-screen image buffer. Then, when all the images have downloaded completly, you will be able to view your happy little page 'all at once'."

[/me shakes head and wanders away.]

On screen "painting"
by Yanthor (2003-12-08 17:55)

I should say before I go any further that I hope scott told the client why this is not possible.

Having said that, I believe you can instruct IE and Netscape to do just what the client wants using browser specific instructions embedded as non-executable code in the page. But you would have to research the instructions for both browsers, embed them in the appropriate pages, and pretend Opera, KHTML, and others don't exist. Or you might try and see if they have similar instructions.

Proxy
by Jäger (2003-12-08 18:34)

The other brilliant suggestion that springs to mind is to construct a web proxy to run transparently on the luser's machine that won't deliver any of the html to the browser until all of the graphics have been downloaded locally.

Of course, the pointing and laughing technique seems almost as effective, and has a far more worthwhile cost/benifit ratio.

Javascript
by Zan Lynx (2003-12-09 13:19)

This is actually not that hard. I've seen it done.

What you do it create layers. Yes, I know you hate layers :-)

Create one layer with a "Please wait, loading page" and another layer with the completed page. Use Javascript on all the IMG tags to track completed image loads. Use a counter, or something.

Once all the images load, flip the final layer to visible.

Interesting approach
by Bitscape (2003-12-09 14:22)

I hadn't thought of it, but I suppose that would work. If the issue comes up again, I'll present that as a possible option.

Still, it's amazing how obsessed some people get with trivial silliness. I guess the real question is how much they are willing to pay us to cater to their odd little whims. If we can rake in the dough, so be it. :)