Gas to brave the unusually heavy traffic near downtown Denver: $1.23.

A couple of beers to gulp down and make my stomach happy: $4.00.

Crappy face paint for an experimental raccoon eyes look: Mere pennies.

Two very gorgeous chicks staging a mock makeout session in the middle of the dance floor, one of them slithering down on her knees to press her mouth against to the other's crotch while the speakers pump NIN's Closer to God: Priceless.

There are some things money can buy. For everything else, there's masturbation.