A few minutes ago, I awoke from a nap in a very f--d up mental state. Dreams are not always a good thing. Sometimes, the good dreams can be worse than the nightmares.

Back to the breath. This makes me feel doubly sad that I missed meditation class tonight. I had intended to go, but.... My clothes weren't done from the laundry, I didn't have the right cash on me (even though it's a donation requested thing and I'm poor, I don't feel right going and then not putting something in), I was running late, and so I just.... plopped.

When I awoke, it was like all the bad shit came flooding up to the semi-conscious surface. Feelings of guilt about everything and everyone I may have let down in some way, the out of control uncertainty of my life right now, the black darkness of the deeper mind, all concentrated into one undefinable thought.

As more consciousness returned, I consoled myself with the logic that what I was experiencing was just momentary. But the fear was still there. "Oh shit, what if this means I'm on the verge of plunging into a deep(er) depression? I can't have that right now! Not now."

I rose from bed, looked around at the dark, messy room. Walked out of the bedroom, where it was also dark. The tv in the living room was on. Mom had fallen asleep on the couch.

A few quiet moments later, and I was in the car, on my way here. And thank goodness, my head was snapping out of it. The black fog of mind's night was dissipating. It was just a... post-dream... thing.

...

Yesterday, I met up with Jaeger and Kiesa at the Flatirons AMC to see Kill Bill. Jaeger lent me some sweet entertainment stored on media with a 12 cm diameter. Just when we had nearly given up wondering where he might be, we were joined by Zan Lynx after the trailers began.

The movie was a fun-filled bloodbath. I mean that literally. See those pools where all the chopped up bodies were being flung? Blood bath.

After the movie, we wandered over to the food court, where Kiesa was thinking about ordering something from Dairy Queen, but didn't. We talked about random stuff for a while. Kiesa invited Zan Lynx and I over for supper; I accepted, Zan Lynx declined.

On the way, we stopped at the grocery store to buy the supper. In an attempt to avoid being a complete and total freeloader, I bought the buns and toppings, and Jaeger and Kiesa bought the rest of the stuff.

At the Unnamed Louisville Residence, we ate vegeburgers, along with a very rich and tasty and chocolate mix drink. When Charmed came on, Kiesa, apparently a devoted fan of the show, gave me the 5 minute introductory summary of multiple seasons' worth of characters, plot lines, universe, and rules. (I felt somewhat like I did when drizzt first introduced me to BTVS, attempting to make sense of a multitude of scattered fragments that lead up to what's happening in the current episode.) In the episode, the Charmed Ones' identies were usurped by a spell from 3 blond imposters. It was intriguing.

After that, of course, we watched Alias. That show is crazy cool. I'm not even going to try to summarize what happened though.

That was yesterday.

Today, I did some more looking through ads in the paper. #include <job_market_sucks.h>

The thing that makes it a little worse was that today, I wasn't the only one reading the job ads in the paper. Apparently, my dad's latest "business venture" isn't having the desired effect. (Namely, money coming in.) Though this comes as no surprise to me, it still sucks.

Oh well. I think I'll watch the Mists of Avalon disc that Jaeger lent to me, so he can get his next film sent in a timely manner. Plus, I'm feeling totally in the mood for it right about now. Yes, that shall be tonight's plan.

Peace out.