Ok people, I haven't posted anything for a couple of days. So I figure now is a good time to do so.

The past couple days have seen me becoming what might be considered quite depressed, and I have gotten relatively little of anything productive done. Not a good thing.

This is a good site.

I have approximately 1 week to clear out of this place. (Ok, technically 1 week + a day, but I want to turn in the keys before the office closes on the 31st, so it's not quite 8 days.) This thought, in and of itself, is enough to overwhelm me almost beyond comprehension. So, I avoid thinking about it, which doesn't result in much good either.

I took the blue pill this morning. One of those knock you out of your head sleeping capsules. Having woke up at 5am feeling like hell, I swallowed the poison. It felt good. I got to sleep for like 6 more hours, and woke up at around noon feeling more refreshed and rested than I've felt in weeks.

Then, at around 15:00, the consequences hit. My brain felt like it was being squeezed every time I tried to move my eyes. I laid down, and couldn't quite sleep. It felt like there was a hammer inside my cerebrum, zeroing out my thoughts every few seconds. Reset.

The effects wore off by around 1800, so I got up and cooked some macaroni. I don't think I'll be taking any more of those pills anytime soon.

I really wish I had a job, and not just because I need money eithir. I feel like I'm slowly going insane in here, day in and day out. If I could have a place to go everyday, where I could feel like I'm getting something done, see other people, and maintain some semblence of a routine, I think my mental health would already be bumped up a notch.

I feel guilty going out to do anything which involves parting with money (in this world, that amounts to almost everything). No bars. No nightclub. I don't even go to my buddhist meditation class anymore, because I wouldn't want to show up and stiff them the modest donation that's requested for each session.

Ugggh... Must get out of this. Haven't shaved since Sunday... Feel like a wretch. This is getting worse, not better.

I want to say something positive.

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If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

I guess that would explain the lack of content here lately.

I've wanted to write another chapter about the wedding. Finish the epic series. It seems to get harder and harder to bring my mind back to it. I guess sooner would be better than later on that. Especially considering that I probably won't be online after next week.

Yikes. No Internet. The very thought freaks me out. No reading friends' webpages. No news. No posting updates here.

Ok, if I get my act together, I can (re)write a web interface for ramblings, and post from the library or something. It'll be a change. Hopefully, only a temporary one.

The Content Collective is almost completely moved into its now home now. Database, code, graphics. Check. With a little luck, it'll be online at the buildmeasite cobalt very very soon. Once that's running smoothly, Bitscape's Lounge will follow.

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Anyone want to hire me?

Didn't think so.

Gawd, is this a pathetic exercise in rhetorical self-defeatism, or what? I need to think POSITIVELY. Positivity. Yes. I AM worthwhile. I AM a decent person. I AM a good worker. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!

I guess I just need some more persistence when it comes to job hunting. A lot more persistence. Endless persistence. Would that help?

On a happy note, Tori's new album comes out next week. I think I'm going to dub that an event Special Enough to warrant making an expenditure, despite my financial situation. I've got a little money from the flea market, bmas, etc. I can afford it.

(The B5 DVD set is also going to be a major must-have. But before making any purchasing decisions on that, I'll have to see if I even have a place to watch it. Not to mention the Xena set, also coming out in November, that everyone's been begging for since the beginning of time. Yes, need a job. Desperately.)

WTF am I talking about? I'm likely going to be homeless in a week (or living with parents, which, as far as pride goes, is just as bad), and I'm sitting here lusting over some fucking DVD releases?

Oh poop. It is the stuff we've all been wanting for years and years. B5 and Xena, complete seasons on DVD, just like everyone wanted. Now that I'm in an economic situation which makes it cost-prohibitive (or nearly so), they're coming out. What kind of cruel joke is this?

Boohoo. Enough whining. Maybe if I get off my ass, AND get really lucky, I'll have a job soon and be able to buy them. Maybe.

Alright, this aimless writing has gone on long enough. Time to finish and publish it. Hmmmm....

Here it is.