A little rambling before I go to bed for real now. Having babbled and chatted on mass irc for 5 hours with many of the the usual suspects, plus a few not-so-regular faces, and even a new soul or two, I'm, well... just about to go to bed. But first, a few words for the web.

Beneath the external events, I have spent the evening coming to terms with the fact that my life is about to get a much more major upheaval than I had ever planned or wanted, at least for this timeframe, even during my most chaotic imaginings. This next month is gonna be crazy.

There is a high likelihood that I won't be living in Colorado when the month turns to November. Since the job market here has proven itself unwelcoming to me, I'm going to try tapping into prospects I would not have considered earlier. My first hope lies in the land of the salsa. San Antonio. My brother's company is hiring, and they're looking at inside referrals first. It's a possibility.

If that falls, I've heard there might be something in Lincoln, NE, though I'm hoping I don't end up there. (Though I know a few really cool people who happen to live in Lincoln, the town itself is kind of... not my ideal place to live. But it would beat being on the street.)

Failing that, there may still be some prospects for work here. I still haven't completely ruled out sticking around in Colorado. But after calculating my experses, if I work full time at anything that pays less than $10/hour, it would be damn hard to keep living in this apartment on a sustained basis. So if it comes to that option, like working at King Soopers (scottgalvin.com said he knows a guy there who would likely hire me), I'll still be moving. It would likely transition to some sort of cohabitation arrangement. Again, that's not preferable, but survival.

Failing that, well... the sky above could be my roof, and the grass my carpet. Living is better than dying. I am alive. For that I am grateful.

I also went to meditation and Buddhist class this evening. I don't think I've ever seen the center so packed with people. For mediation, literally every spot in the shrine room was occupied, and people were filing in on the floor at the back. Wild.

They're starting regular fall classes on various topics, all of whom get to go to the same medatation before separating into groups. That explains why so many people filled the hall.

Also though, the intro class has been drawing lots of interest. The room where it was taught was full. What a great session. The topic: impermenance.

After the main talk by the teacher, some really heavy discussion with everyone sitting in a circle. Fascinating stuff.

I guess what I'm getting at is: Shit. I don't want this to change. I don't want to be ripped away from my homeland. I find myself emotionally attached to so many things, people, places that are local to the area. I didn't even realize it, until directly confronted with the very real prospect of being forced with the choice of relocating or starving.

Irony at its worst. Again, the topic of the class: Impermenance. As human beings, a large part of our suffering is caused by our attachment to that which cannot stay the same. Everything changes all the time. The notion of a fixed reality is an artifical construct. By attempting to impose our concept of a static existence on the world, we separate ourselves from reality. Hence, the struggle. Suffering. Don't I know it.

I was listening to U2 earlier, right after I found out that I wouldn't get the job I thought I'd have. Now I'm listening to it again. All that you can't leave behind. A masterpiece.

A brief lyric before sleep. The storm ahead.

Signal is breaking up...