I just started ripping an old White Zombie cd. The first oggs to come off the line are playing in xmms right now. Classic stuff.

Lyrically, it's a barrage of the twisted imagery from the mind of prime psycho man Rob Zombie. But the music -- pure aural sonic insanity -- is where most of the beauty lies.

Astro Creep 2000. Songs of love, destruction, and other synthetic delusions of the Electric Head.

I used to listen to this disc while I rode the bus, way back when, day after day. I wasn't quite sure what to make of some of it. I'm still not. But I dug it.

Still do. Even now, the music holds up, standing the test of time, so to speak.

Of course, I know not everyone is going to take my musical credibility terribly seriously, given that I also still enjoy listening some of the old hair bands, every now and then. (Yeah, yeah, I know. The B word too. I won't use her name though. That's been overdone.)

Welcome to my world.

.. Hmmm.. I take it back. The White Zombie lyrics do add a lot to the music. Not so much because their meaning says anything terribly cohesive, but because they are there. You can sing along with them, even if they don't make any sense. Alliteration.

Oh, here comes a well known one.... Lemme see if I can type from memory, and/or keep up with it.

So much for that theory. Oh well. At least it sounds good when he sings it. That's what counts.

Skip to track 11. My favorite. Blood Milk and Sky.

and BEAUTY NEVER DIES. Tha last line is totally haunting. Verse 3.

Anyway...

This undisciplined and unfocused splattering of text is brought to you by....

Another day of sitting in my apartment! Let's have some applause.

Still no word on the theoretical job that might be coming.

I talked with my mom on the phone today. She theorizes that attempting to move and start at another job in parallel sounds like a very ungood idea. I tend to agree. Unfortunately, I find my options running rather thin.

I suppose I may as well admit that I've all but given up on looking for anything else in the Denver area right now. Do I give up too easily? Or is it sensible of me to not want to waste more energy on wild goose chases, especially when the prospects are of dubious value in the first place?

scottgalvin.com stopped by the Castle Lair today and presented me with a check from Buildmeasite, Inc. This is good, because now I will be able to pay the rent when it is due next week. I consider that a Good Thing.

scottgalvin.com hung out for a while, and we discussed the state of business in America. Yes indeed, we are businessmen. We may be broke, but we are indeed businessmen. (Actually, the term "businessman" would pretty much go to scottgalvin.com, since he's the one who's actually running the business. Jaeger and I... well... we write code in exchange for currency. That's our thing. That's our way. It's what we're good at. Life is good.)

Well, now that I had this check in my possession, it gave me an excuse to go to the bank, and also stop by the post office to send out a couple checks of my own. Internet and phone bills are now paid for another month. This is good.

As I was pulling into the bank parking lot, I caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror, and realized that I was a totally unkempt mess. No shave in three days. Messy hair. And I could really use a haircut too.

Long term unemployment.... not good. After a while, you just start letting your appearance go. (Then again, there are certain people in the world who can manage to turn a bad hair day into a real conversation piece. Anyone who was at Jaeger's birthday party could attest to this.)

I feel like my life is on hold, and has been on hold for the past month. I don't like this. I say to myself, "As soon as I find another job, then I can make plans around that. I can figure out a schedule for paying off my long term debt. If I get a job here, then I can count on being in this state for at least a few more months, and make plans accordingly."

But until a job is found, I'm on hold. All the plans for my life are on hold. Or so it seems. I hate it.

But then I think ahead a little. Suppose I do get this job here. Then what? Then it's going to be at least a couple of months before I dig myself out of the financial hole I'm in, at which point I should be able to resume my plans to pay off long term debt, etc, etc.

Then, what if I decide I don't particularly like the job, and want to move on to something that's more rewarding? Then it's like my life is on hold again. That was exactly the type of problem I had at my last job. Going in a complete circle.

That's why I eventually just decided it was time to draw the line, and tell everyone I would leave in January. My life had been on hold, at it was time to sieze the day.

On hold for WHAT?

What is it that I'm thinking or hoping might just be around the corner? What am I really waiting for? What are these elusive dreams that keep jumping just a few more steps ahead of wherever I happen to be? What am I pursuing, ultimately?

Right now, I can answer for this moment, but only this moment. Maybe what I want will change in 3 months. If I get what I want, will I then want something else? History seems to indicate that the answer to that question typically turns out to be a definite Yes.

Well, for what it's worth, here's what I want. Take it with a grain of salt.

• A job, so I can pay my rent for a while, pay off the debt, and purchase a few toys on the side. (Incedentially, pretty much everything else on this list is also dependent upon this first item.)
• A little more regular social interaction. The club is good. Meditation classes are good. BLUG is good. Need more of all of the above, and perhaps even other things in addition to that. (But not so much that I overwhelm myself.) Incidentally, I've been moderately curtailing my involvement in these activities. I realize that part of this is due to money, but part of it is also due my fear that I may be gone soon. I don't want to become more attached to anything than I already am, just before I disappear into another state, if that happens. That wouldn't be cool. So I ease away, isolate myself, and... that's no fun.
• Expand my creative outlets. I want to create multimedia. Truly. Even if it's amateurish crap, get a digital camera, a synthesizer, and a little more hardware for my PC, and really throw together some crazy stuff. I find myself inspired by what Jaeger has been doing lately. Regular Saturday night video clip releases. Yes. Most recently, that.... theme music from Captain Logan. Hey, it's better than the Enterprise theme music. I'll give it that.

Well, anyway... I've been typing at this for too long.

I feel the need to put together another piece of eye candy (or maybe an eye sore) to wow and confuse all the random surfers again tomorrow.

So... On to the Gimp! Put me out of my misery before I type another word of this nonsense...