As planned, this morning I went out hunting for more job applications. Having not receieved any calls back from previous places where I turned in applications, it was time to expand my search. Statistically speaking, I figure I must be bound to get a good hit eventually, so the more places I go, the more likely I am to find something. The goal at this point is still part time work.

Alrighty. Up and ready to get cracking.

Let's begin tonight's "content" by transcribing the lyrics of some music I was listening to a few minutes ago. Help set the mood. This could be a dark one. Then again, maybe not.

Today, I did a little bit more of what might resemble trolling for job applications. Did I do as much as I "should" have? Probably not, but at least it's better than nothing.

Here's another rambling in quick recap mode, summarizing my life during the past 2 days.

This film takes the concept of sensory overload to an entirely new dimension.

I'm going to discuss various events that have happened over the course of the past few days, which I hadn't gotten around to talking about here. Despite being unemployed (or perhaps because of it), it seems like there's so much happening in my life these days that it's hard to keep up with all of it in these writings. Here goes another attempt.

This evening, I again went to the club that has, in a way, almost become my home away from home for much of the summer. Having gone there twice during my mental trip weekend 2 weeks ago, I partly wanted to return to find out if the observations I had had while I was "nuts" would still hold with my mind again in state of calm. I also wanted to have a little fun :)

I figured that since the price of cover + drinks would be less than the cost to see a movie in a theater (at least given amount I drink on a typical outing), I can still afford to go there every now and then.

[This is Part 2 in the multi-part epic describing the wedding I attended at the beginning of August 2002. Part 1 can be found here.]

This morning, after what must have been around 12 hours of sleep (interrupted by 1 natural wake at around 0700 in the morning), I called Wild Oats to see if I could talk to the person in charge of hiring. Not there.

Today, I did a little bit more shaping of my future for the coming months. It's an interesting life.

This will the non-tripped-out version of my review of this amazing set of music videos.

Well, today was... interesting.

I took today as a vacation day. I can't afford to be doing that much, especially if I spend money like I did today. This is not a guilt trip, because I think I needed a day off. Seriusly. Now this music makes my eyes water.

Evolving and shaping...

This is a very fun, enjoyable movie IMO. On this night, I watched it with a small group of people who were invited from the Boulder reception to attend the special screening at the Castle Lair. For comedies, group screenings are generally prefereble, since humor seems to have a cumulative effect when multiple audience members laugh. The more people who are laughing, the funnier it becomes.

I feel much better today. I spend the morning... well... getting the Castle Lair in preparation for the next phase of evolution. Eventually, this will mean vacating it, but since I still have a couple months to hang out here and continue to use it as a central base of operations, I've been gradually optimizing it for the possibilities to come.

After half a night of sleep, I can feel the void gradually slipping in. I felt it coming yesterday. And last night. I've known for weeks that this would be inevitable, but somehow, I thought, hoped, that maybe I would be powerful enough to transcend it somehow.

The full impact of the events of the past week has yet to fully sink in. Today, as I discussed with $mentor[0] the life-altering sequence of events which have occurred during the past month, I realized with a kind of perfect clarity that, despite all of life's posibilities, it could never have happened any other way for me. I don't know where life is going. I just hold on and let the ride take me.

A single square candle has begun its steady burn into a circular metal pan on floor. Its flame failed to ignite on the first attempt, but a second shot with the lighter got it going. Now, it burns steadily and slowly.

This evening, I made a run to a nearby shopping complex, where I obtained a few things to sustain me through the coming days and weeks.

I just discovered another lavender candle in my closet. This was the first candle I purchased of the series during the year 2000. It is short and square, with melted out portions around the corners. I intend to light it later this evening in ceremonial ritual in the center of my living room. I plan for the ritual to begin at 2200, local time.

This time, I am the only person who will be invited to attend the ceremony. Nobody else will be welcome.

I have just successfully wired my sound card in my bedroom to my stereo in the living room. Wow, what a feat! I feel like a genius today. (Well.... Apparently this simple task of plugging together a few 8mm plugs, RCA jacks, and old Radio Shark headphone extension cables was just too much for my peon brain last Saturday. But not today! :)

Now I can stream Britney through all the speakers in every "room" in my apartment simultaniously. Yeehaw!

Now the only thing left is to find some underground software house which publishes Interactive GameCube Porn, and this place will be set, just in time for me to move out around the end of the year!

Since things are "calming down" now, and I have a little bit of free time for the short term (still gotta scramble for a job soon though), I'm going to begin writing a multi-part chronicle detailing events at the wedding I attended earlier this month. It may take a while to finish this, and I don't know how many parts there will be. I'll just write a little bit at a time, making sure each portion gets the quality it deserves.

During the night, as I again hung out at the favorite club of my formative musical mind morphing experiences, I was again the bartender....

I'm doing more thinking about potential legal fights, although I hope none happen.

What is the legal status for this scenario: If somebody misrepresents the email identity of another individual, and passes it off as another person's account without the other party's knowledge, is this considered fraud? What does the law say about this? How does it work? Should I consult a lawyer?

So... Earlier this evening, my cable modem line pretty much looked like it had been fried. But now the line is back up. Seems just fine again. So I get to call AT&T in the morning and tell them that something seems to have magically fixed itself, and they won't need to send anyone out to service my line on Monday. Strange. Very strange.

If you want to email a person who's name might be "Nate", do NOT try to reach him at his "Yahoo" account address which may have been given to you. This is not his real address. It is a decoy. I have spoken with the real Nate earlier today, and I do not believe that this was him. If you try to reach "Nate" at this address, you will fail. Anything you say into this address can and will be used against you, as it was me. Welcome to the harmonious world of corporate America!

I have added an opening paragraph to clarify the fictional story that was described in a previous rambling.

Further investigation, and putting together some more pieces of this strange, sick puzzle (with the help of a couple other former employees), reveals that if we really wanted to, we might be able to have them on corporate fraud, if we really had to press things. Not the top management, mind you. They're pretty much spotless on our records. But one or more of the lower ones.

Still reeling from the impact of this morning's events, I feel the need to set some sort of new direction while caught in the midst of changing circumstances.

As of less than an hour ago, my employment has been terminated.

Gee, that was a big surprise!

Out of a combination of fear and respect for some things that might be happening in our Hollywood and Congressional system, I have intentionally, voluntarily gummed up access to any copyrighted content that may or may not exist on this web server. I have done this without prompting. (Other than the vague fear of police raiding my residence.) Those links will not work at the moment.

All my original content should still be available.

Ok, I just went what looks like the Online Voting Information Center for the Colorado area. Since I automatically got registered to vote when I renewed my Driver's License in July, I should be ok. They promised me the county district or whatever would be sending more information to my address before the election.

I have decided that in all likelihood, after I quit my job in January, I will probably stick around the Denver metro area for a while. A few more months, most likely. This decision has been brought about by the realization that travel is expensive, whether by car or plane, and probably going to get worse before it gets better. Reviewing my online bank statement, and verifying every bit of activity against my own records confirms the dead awful truth that I couldn't quite believe when I looked at the ATM a few minutes ago. Current Available Balance (in the checking account): $-102.19. Ouch.

Well, at least I've still got something in my savings. (Same bank.)

I love what I'm getting, and I love what I got. But This looks to be some of the saddest news I have ever read. But then again, maybe everything will be alright in the end. All I want now is for them to hurry up with those Xena Season 1 and Season 2 DVD releases. But those are only rumors, and I don't see Best Buy stocking any of them yet.

And I am somehow awake again. With lyrics flooding my brain all over again. The increased intensity of the self-administered propaganda campaign is taking hold some more...

This is how we burn each other out. Now that the weekend is over, and I have almost no unscheduled free time, everyone is posting new content for me to read at every corner. I'm sure I'll get to it eventually. Right? I won't have forgetten all this by the next turn of a Friday. Right? This is too depressing. I need a "therapist".

No I don't. Not really. Not anymore. I've learned to take care of myself. (Would that I could forever live in such a blissful illussion.) And now the IIS shitters of the neighborhood are polluting my apache logs again. If THEY (the other people on the same circut as me, apparently) don't know how to take care of their stupid computers, why don't they just shut them down, pack them up, drive them to the industrial zone, and throw them into the land fill where they all belong before they find a use anyway? (They're NT boxes right? NT = cyber version of landfill fodder.)

The weekend "trip" is over. I'm going back to work today. Things are looking pretty good.

Thanks for the supportive letters guys. I've been really strung out the whole weekend. There are reasons for this, but I'm not going into them deeply now. Time to sleep.

The doors have locked. It is after 1800. No one has come to visit me personally, because they are too freaked out by my insanity. I don't blame them. But I am glad to have purified the pool from false talk of sympathy and compassion, when behind it, there is much more of the fear and unknown uncertainty about my condition. People who want to speak to me will just talk to me as a person now, instead of trying to shed false tears of sympathy for my pathetic plight. I like this.

Wow... I have been learning today. I had been trying to figure this movie out since the credits first ran. Now I know, because I have sat and watched it again, shaking like a recovering crack addict on my couch while I reigned over my gothic theater on the third floor.

The next showing in the theater of Bitscape's Gothic Illusion will be Bound. Written and Directed by The Wachowski Brothers. Watch it!

If anyone out there in Denver is bored this afternoon, they are welcome to join me in eating frozen pizzas + watching headtrip movies in my apartment. I'll probably be here until about 6pm. After that, I'll be preparing to leave and head to an old favorite club down in Denver. All are welcome.

My address:

6969 W 90th Ave #632 Westminster

It's REMINGTON WEST. Building #6. Third Floor. #632.

MULHOLLAND Drive will be starting in about 10 minutes.

What we play after that will be decided by audience participation.

Over the past hours, while I consumed experimental mind drugs my body had been feeding me, even as it purified the rainwater for next week...

I can feeling it happening around me with amazement as the morning wakes up. I don't think I will be needing JanetPills today, but I might take a few more just for fun anyway. Major mind drugs in that disc last night though. Well.... the girl gave me exactly what I had asked for, and when she knew I had gotten what I wanted ten times over, she was ready to leave. Praise Her!

I don't like seeing things around town that do not respect the Greatest Blackness Herself. She should not be disrespected. She is Janet. She deserves respect. I think the posters that Do Not Respect Janet should be removed from the walls. They are not right. They are not kind. They are not good enough treatment for Janet.

I had fallen for the Black Goddess long ago. But today is my turning point. After purifying myself in front of my television for a few year hours on Dolby Digital 2.0, followed by a few year hours on PCM (Pump Pills) Audio Enhancers, I am completely and totally Her puppy.

I am going to name the final two names on the wicks of the candle near my kitchen. I could see that the arrow was clearly pointing beyond my doorstep, to the hall beyond.

I heard what sounded like sirens outside. The cops appear to be out looking for people to prey upon. If you believe in non-violence, don't give them a reason to hurt you. They are looking for one. If you are quiet, submissive, and surrender your constitutional rights, you may be able to get away from them for a while. Then again, it may just make them think you are easy, and they could try to rape you. I don't know. I don't have these answers.

While my ritual was wrapping up, I realized we have past the fluxuation. The transition phase is in effect. They have given us a day of utopia. Soon, we will get a day of dystopia.

The most beautiful candle I have ever seen JUST STOPPED BURNING. I hope the things I am seeing are not symbolic of the real world. If they are, then I have lost my mind, this world is alien to me, and I want to zone out and watch my Enigma videos while I can still enjoy them today, because I will be a very sick and cynical vampire tomorrow.

Yeah, this guy has lost it totally.

I'm feeling that things around me are fairly stable right now. I know I'm gonna sound a lot like that nut on scifi who used to rant about audience members' dead families. But this is what I feel is real at this moment. These are the energies I am sensing. I'm practicing what some might call Wicca, some might call lunacy, and some might call a dope dealing crackpot on the third floor of his Remington West penthouse suite, who has just about lost all his marbles. lol.

My entire assortment of 2 year old candles are now burning all around me. I am sitting on the floor at Dagobah. I am alone in my private little ritual. I think I knew that from the beginning anyway. Nobody wants to be around this fucked up trash pile of a man. I know exactly what I am. A vampire wolf dressed up in human skin. I am a friendly companion of the night.

A song I heard in my childhood as I sat at a campfire. There were loving people around me. I know God cared about me. They were singing. I was following along.

GOOOOOOOOOD, that was awful. I just experienced the most fearful scene in MULHOLLAND DRIVE first hand, with all the sights and smells. I could not bear it. Though I was 99.9% certain that there would physically be no dead body laying in the bedroom, I could not force myself to move past the entryway.

There was nothing but silence, all though the night. Throughout the complex outside, not a hint of noise. Just a tiny whiff of smoke, maybe. He almost felt guilty for wanting to play another dvd, because it might bother his peacefully morphined out neighbors. Or was something else happening? In any case, let the trip continue...

Anyone who is still reading by now knows that I am a psycho. I don't know what's going on with the network. It seems both calm and insane. Kind of like my soul.

We need to cut the spastic noise. I've been looking at Argo's apache logs from today. Although I've been spewing so-called "content" almost non-stop, all my logs have been seeing have been Code Red hits all day long (Or whatever the latest Exploit is on the Redmond-tainted boxes). I am seriously considering writing some scripts to auto-firewall my box from these IPs forever. But that might be too drastic, since some of them could be dynamically reassigned to decent, responsible customers like myself.

A toast...

To the Power of Windows NT. (Or IIS, or whatever my neighbors are running over there.)

My air conditioner is taking good care of my inner child today. How about yours?

I am in tune with my nature.

I think I am calm
Therefore, I am calm
I think I am calm
Therefore, I am calm
I think I am calm
Therefore, I am calm
I think I am calm
Therefore, I am calm
I think I am calm
Therefore, I am calm
I think I am calm
Therefore, I am calm

[Aug 15, 2002. IMPORTANT LEGAL NOTE: This FICTIONAL account details the first-person experiences of one mythical character, who we shall call "Tomaas Andraeson". It is heavily influenced by the album "Operation Mindcrime", by the band Queensryche. But, like Operation Mindcrime, it is also a FICTIONAL account. What will happen to these tragic characters in the end? Maybe I'll write about it next time I get around to doing more fanfic. Peace.]

I just lost a lot of trust tonight. But I still have a tiny bit of it leftover, somewhere in my soul. It's not going to come out easily though.

Now the nice fantasy world I've been weaving is crumbling down inside me. The Jedi Master has taken a swift and bold strike. I stand corrected.

It's been a busy night. I've gotten lots of good sleep, but I think I did some sleep-walking.

Alright, I know I can break down now, because I'm at home again. I don't have to hide my true self when I'm here, either in a dream, or in reality. The world is a good place.

Though my mind is doing exactly what I had wanted it to do -- shutting itself down under the influence of a combination of self-prescribed lithium and alcohol (sometimes you have to take drastic measures to reign yourself in, because you just know it must be done), I must type this rambling before bed. (Those wanting wedding content will get it later. That, and a lot more. But this is something that has to come out gradually. It transformed my life. so... Gotta go slow with it.)

When you see the words "IFC Productions" in the opening credits, you know you are in for something special.

I had all these plans about all this content I was going to type about my trip. Miles and miles of content. But I'm too tired now. I need sleep. Badly.