"A long time ago, in front of a convenience store far, far away..."

Thus begins the saga.

Self-referential mocking would be the item of the night. That, and a bountiful abundance of cocksucker jokes, celebrity cameos, lampooning of Miramax, and of course, the proverbial Internet fans who live in their parents' basement and post online critiques about movies. (Hmmmm... No one like that around here, right?)

Despite the inside nature of so many of the gags (knowledge of Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, and Dogma a prerequisite to understanding), a good majority of the audience in the theater got them. Lots of funny stuff. If the buzz of the crowd on the way out was any indication, this one is going to be a big hit. But then again, on opening night it would naturally be the die hards who would show up first.

Word of advise to anyone going to watch: Do not leave before the end credits are over. Stay and watch until the very, very, very last frame, after all the special thanks, disclaimers, fake disclaimers, and everything else. You won't regret it. Trust me.

This movie brings together all the insanity that has been culminating in the previous four, to climax into a touching and heartfelt reunion representing...

Aw, who am I kidding. Jay and Silent Bob are a couple of stoned idiots.

I think I better raise shields before I get beat up. God, what a sucky movie review. Goodnight everybody.