To open this rambling, a choice quote off a cd I acquired recently.

Alrighty. Where shall I even begin this narrative? I guess this morning.

As everyone knows, tomorrow is Halloween. The great day on which the people of the land dress up in strange costumes, consume large amounts of sugar, try to spook each other out, and make general merriment. As anyone who read yesterday's rambling on this web page would know, I didn't exactly have total success in yesterday's search of a decent costume. Today, all that was about to change.

You see, the local Halloween promoter, who we have previously referred to in this space using the letter A (ya know the tradition; two X chromosones makes you a vowel in these writings, while an X + Y chomosome makes you a consonant). As I was saying, when the local Halloween promoter, who I call A, was informed that B (the letter used for yours truly, so new readers don't get totally lost) was having costume trouble, she would hear nothing of it. B became A's pet Halloween project for the day. lol.

And so it was that a small group of software engineers took off on an early lunch break. To Kmart! A and B were accompanied by two other individuals, to whom I will assign the letters N and P. N will be distinguised by the fact that he was once known as Intern Boy within the organization, but has since shed that title (and would probably now do bodily harm to anyone who uses it when addressing him) in favor of becoming a semi-full time employee while remaining student as well. P will be identified as... well, let's just say P and myself have a history dating far before this company, and I know first hand that P is a skilled Quake 3 player in other realms. ;)

These four adventurous and brave souls boarded Tobias at 1130, with B at the helm (of course), A navigating in shotgun, and N and P in the rear making humorous comments, N relating of his prior experiences of clothing himself in garments traditionally befitting members of the opposite gender. (Not that N does this on a regular, or semi-regular basis, mind you. A one-time deal. Wouldn't want to be publishing slander here, would I?)

The group arrived at the store with great efficiency, and immediately entered and began the quest. A led the pack, not only by employing her knowledge of feminine garments, decorative substances, and accessories, but by checking through items on the shopping list stored in her recently acquired Visor. I'm not sure which is scarier, the fact that A actually assembled and stored this list of items she deemed B should wear, or the fact B was willing to purchase and don such things without objection. ROTFL.

First stop was the bra section. Black. Don't think I'll say any more.

Then it was shoes (some cheap sandals; high heels would have been preferable, but obtaining them in a size even close to fitting on such short notice proved problematic).

The top.... well, it's scary. Slutty might be the word. A tank top. No sleeves. Plenty of room for cleavage. Need I say more?

Oh, and leggings. White, skintight. Yipee.

(The short fluffy skirt to be worn over them was borrowed from A's personal collection, if you can believe that.)

Makeup. N actually provided a surprising amount of insight in this area, acting as a general consultant. Colors... tones.... so many choices. Lipstick. Eye shadow. Blush. When the subject of eyeliner or mascara came up, A thought that would be too much to be putting B through. Not even for ones so insane as ourselves. I'll take her word for it.

Right there in the makeup isle, A gave B a brief lesson in how to apply the stuff. Oh, and nail polish. Got some of that too. What a deliciously trashy color.

Earrings. Equally cheap, slutty, and befitting the character.

Water balloons. You figure it out.

Bubble gum. This was B's idea, actually. Gotta be smacking and snapping to complete the effect.

Did I forget any items? Well, there was the nail polish remover. Oh, and boxers. For the sanity of all living creatures.

A, a vehement non-smoker, also purchased herself a pack of cigarettes for her own costume tomorrow. (She's holding us all in suspense as to exactly what this costume is.)

After that extra efficient run through the store, there was sufficient time remaining to eat a meal in at Quiznos. Sandwiches.

Back at the office, A transferred the additional items from her inventory to complete B's costume into his care. And snickered. A bunch.

As the afternoon wore on, the office workers entertained themselves by sexually harrassing D (the oogling herbivore, for those with short memories). You see, as of late, the politically correct bullshit faction from the other side of the building has been increasingly encroaching on the peace-loving engineers, with lots of self-rightous preaching regarding discrimination, sexual harrassment, and hostile work environments. To this end, their latest attempt to make the work environment more hostile involved filling engineering cube walls with lame propaganda, police warning tape, and other bits of crap.

The very latest: Signs telling people what kinds of Halloween costumes NOT to wear. Included were photos depicting these examples. Costumes showing lots of skin. Anything involving blood and gore. (complete with accompanying depiction of such blood and gore.) Religious symbolism. (A picture of a nun and a preacher. We're NOT to wear that.) Hahah.

Anyway, the point being.... D, being an oogling herbivore, found some of the females depicted in the "skin" photos quite appealing. So... His coworkers happily obliged him by moving these signs and pinning them on the interior of his cube.

From there, it just went. ALL the discrimination papers (many of which had printed text appended to the bottom by less politically correct thinkers. My favorite fine print: "Discriminate responsibly. Think when you discriminate."). ALL the halloween costumes. ALL the police tape. And all those warning blinkers were gathered around D's cube. DISCRIMINATION here!

D expressed a grievance, saying he thought he was being discriminated against. A corrected him: "No, you're not being discriminated against. You're being sexually harrassed." So much crap to be congregating in and around one cube! ROTFL.

F got into the act even more (not sure if it was him or someone else who had appended the original "modifications" to the discrimination papers). Anyway, he got the font, color, and everything perfect. For the NO SKIN signs, a nice big "YES" to paste right on time. Now, the color photograph in D's cube said "Yes skin!" in addition to the hand-written post-it note caption: "These chix are HOT!"

Too funny. I would say the battle with the HR Nazis went up a notch today. Heehee.

If I am sexually harrassed and/or discriminated against tomorrow, I would say my costume has been a success!

---

After work, Bitscape made a brief stop at the Louisville Compound. Unaccustomed to the immediate darkness it felt wierd to be going to acting class -- the final acting class -- in the pitch black. Left early to allow time to find the new location where the performance would take place.

It did take a little longer to figure out the parking logistics, but I didn't have any trouble finding it. I ended up parking in the same garage as usual, and walked the extra distance. I was early. Took time to relieve myself. (Weren't all the readers just aching to be informed of that lovely detail?)

The instructor arrived, as did a couple of other students, as did my parents and brother. Others gradually trickled in. During this time, I got a chance to talk a little more with a guy who I worked with a lot during the course of the engagement. We somehow ended up being partners on an inordinantly large number of exercises week after week. I asked if he was a full time student.

"No, actually I'm not a student at all. I just sort of came to this class as a chance to get out of the house, and maybe meet some people." Hmmmm.... This sounds vaguely familiar.

Anyway, we got to talking, I asked what he did. A web designer. Works from home. Funky!

He asked what I do. Uhh.. software engineer. lol.

Blah blah blah. Anyway, we exchanged email addresses after class was over. While this obviously has no bearing on the "original" statement of a certain New Year's resolution, I think my social circle might have just expanded. We'll see. :)

In the auditorium setting, the class did the full compliment of warm up exercises right in front of the visiting audience. (If I were to guess, I would say the audience was between half dozen and a dozen people total. A drop in the bucket for that auditorium sized room, but enough to... well... be an audience.)

After the warmups, we split into partners, and took turns reciting monologues. All simultaniously. Again, part of the process of loosening everybody up.

Then, the main body of the show began. Each person got a chance to say their lines, get some coaching, say them again, take some more direction, and again, until the instructor was satisfied with the performance. I actually liked this a lot. Rather than just saying it once, and that being the end of it, we really got a chance to perfect and hone right in front of a group of observers. Very useful. And satisfying too. If you aren't "on" the first time, there's another chance to go back and correct it. Most excellent.

I think the biggest adjustment for most people was the fact that the room was so huge, one really has to project the voice to fill it up. Not like the little classroom at all.

Turns were taken, with each person getting around 10 to 15 minutes of stage time and coaching (very generous, probably due in part to the fact that some were not present). When it came my turn, I stood up, a bit nervous, and gave it my best. After take 1, I was encouraged to really let the anger flow. More expression. Just let 'em have it! I did so. Third time. Even more! NO restaint! I let it go. An all-out insult on the human race! Some additional touches, and my final take. Yeah. That was on!

For the benefit of readers everywhere, I will now reproduce the text of my monologue here.

Excerpt from The Search For Signs Of Intelligent Life In The Universe
by Jane Wagner

I'm getting my act together;
throwing it in your FACE.
I want to insult every member
of the human race. I'm Agnus Angst.
I don't kiss ass
I don't say thanks.

This will be a night of sharing for the
sharing-impaired. We're all soulmates, after all,
in the vast cosmic dustbin of intergalactic space.
The universe contains at least
one hundred billion galaxies, each galaxy contains at least
one hundred billion stars, and we are
micro-SPECKS
on SPECK-ship earth.

So the fact that my
parents kicked me out of the house
and someone stole my parakeet
should mean very little in the scheme of things, but
"No, I am quite UPSET about IT."

This is one instance where simply typing the words into the rambling just doesn't do them justice. Not like performing them does. But it'll have to do. :)

After all the students had performed their most entertaining monologues (the last one, a bring down the house wowzer, has convinced me that I really ought to read the book from which it was taken: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand). Students filled out evaluation forms.

Oh, and as promised, the list of possible places to go audition. For those who want to take their craft to the next level. In the speech she gave, each one of us were strongly encouraged to do auditions. The thought of actually doing it... wow. I'm certainly contemplating it. I loved the class, and I'd love to do more.

After class was over completely, I talked in the hall with one guy who had taken the class last semester, and auditioned after that one. I asked him how auditioning had gone, and his reply: "Lots of fun. But there are also a lot of talented actors in this town." Tough competition. Hmmm. Still, he said it was fun enough to be worthwhile anyway, even if you don't get awarded a part.

After it was all over, I agreed to meet the family to eat at Illegal Pete. Ran over there, had a yummy steak burrito overflowing with hot spiciness. I told them to put hot sauce on it, and then myself proceeded to sprinkle tobasco as I ate. What can I say? I'm a fiend for the spice. (I'll stop just short of dumping hydrochloric acid down my throat.)

Got most of the way to my journey home, and then remembered what else I needed to do. Wal Mart. Still open till 2200. I ran over, and grabbed a couple of last minute items to augment my costume. I decided A's original suggestion for the upper body covering was right, at least in part. I'll make it work. :)

And another item. Which I won't discuss now, but should be plainly obvious when I walk into the office tomorrow. Them peoples are gonna be freaked. That's really the whole idea of this holiday though, right? That, and general fun and merriment. Woohoo!

Late to bed, early to rise. Preparations shall begin presently.